Yesterday I ate a bag of cookies and a candy bar that were provided free in the hotel. I didn't feel "guilty" but I did feel like if I was going to have a treat, the quantity and timing were not appropriate, and that I would need to figure a way to keep myself from eating that way.
I decided to try an experiment, a very FUN experiment, I decided that today I would eat everything I wanted, the way I do when I am severely depressed (I have a hard time telling myself "no" to the tiny amount of pleasure offered to me at those times) It was a very enjoyable experiment and BOY OH BOY did I learn!
This morning we stayed at a Hampton inn, which always has a huge breakfast available. I chose the tempting treats, but didn't eat that much (quantity wise) at all! I had a small waffle (about the size of a deck of cards) a small chocolate chip muffin, and a sausage patty. I also drank milk with it, skim milk. Get this...984 calories! The foods were small, but very calorie dense, and the milk may have been skim, but the 3 cups of it really added up!
On to lunch. I decided to eat a "snacky-grazy" kind of lunch that is easy to eat on the road. A banana here, a cup of yogurt there, fat-free fruit snacks here, and a cup of ramen (it's only soup, how bad could it be?) This not-decadant snacky lunch?...960 calories!
Then there was dinner, the kind of sinful dinner you might have with friends...Dairy Queen. I had a Burger, fries and a Blizzard (of course) the fries and blizzard were small, I mean, I am no glutton. Yeah, dinner was 1534 calories. Enough for an entire day. AN ENTIRE DAY!
Adding these calories up, I ate enough calories to gain half a pound. You heard me. In one day, when I am depressed, I could eat enough food to gain half a pound! I knew depression was a fatal disease, but I didn't know it could kill you in so many ways!
What a fun and meaningful experiment. I do not regret that today I ate enough calories to cancel a week of eating well, I think the experience may have taught me something that will save me in the future. When I am depressed I abuse food, I ABUSE it, like a drug. Abusing food is not benign, it is very serious. The weight gain is not only enough to kill me with heart disease, it is something that contributes to my low-energy and therefore makes my depression worse.
This experiment, and signing up for ishape (I swear they aren't paying me for mentioning it so much!) has taught me that my weight is under my control, I CONTROL IT! That is SOOOO empowering. I can easily live on 1600 calories a day, easily. And I could easily die from eating like I used to. Thank god I am learning it now.
mood: empowered (and full!)
Breakfast: 984 Calories: 60.0 % carbs, 19.9 % protein, 20.0 % fat
1.0 ea NutriGrain Cereal Bars-Mixed Berry KLC
1.0 ea Sausage Patty
0.75 ea Frozen Waffle
2.0 tbsp Maple Pancake Syrup
1.0 ea Chocolate Chip Muffin
36.0 fl oz Skim Milk
Lunch: 960 Calories: 76.7 % carbs, 8.0 % protein, 15.1 % fat
1.0 ea Banana
0.5 cup Canned Apricots in Heavy Syrup
1.0 package yogurt cup
1.0 package yogurt cup
1.0 package fruit snacks
1.0 package Ramen Cup
Dinner: 1534 Calories: 44.3 % carbs, 13.3 % protein, 42.3 % fat
1.0 ea IceCreamBlizzard-ChocChipCookieDo-Sml DQ
1.0 ea Homestyle Deluxe Double Cheeseburger DQI
113.0 gm Sm DQ fries