Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I am a guinea PIG

Yesterday I ate a bag of cookies and a candy bar that were provided free in the hotel. I didn't feel "guilty" but I did feel like if I was going to have a treat, the quantity and timing were not appropriate, and that I would need to figure a way to keep myself from eating that way.

I decided to try an experiment, a very FUN experiment, I decided that today I would eat everything I wanted, the way I do when I am severely depressed (I have a hard time telling myself "no" to the tiny amount of pleasure offered to me at those times) It was a very enjoyable experiment and BOY OH BOY did I learn!

This morning we stayed at a Hampton inn, which always has a huge breakfast available. I chose the tempting treats, but didn't eat that much (quantity wise) at all! I had a small waffle (about the size of a deck of cards) a small chocolate chip muffin, and a sausage patty. I also drank milk with it, skim milk. Get this...984 calories! The foods were small, but very calorie dense, and the milk may have been skim, but the 3 cups of it really added up!

On to lunch. I decided to eat a "snacky-grazy" kind of lunch that is easy to eat on the road. A banana here, a cup of yogurt there, fat-free fruit snacks here, and a cup of ramen (it's only soup, how bad could it be?) This not-decadant snacky lunch?...960 calories!

Then there was dinner, the kind of sinful dinner you might have with friends...Dairy Queen. I had a Burger, fries and a Blizzard (of course) the fries and blizzard were small, I mean, I am no glutton. Yeah, dinner was 1534 calories. Enough for an entire day. AN ENTIRE DAY!

Adding these calories up, I ate enough calories to gain half a pound. You heard me. In one day, when I am depressed, I could eat enough food to gain half a pound! I knew depression was a fatal disease, but I didn't know it could kill you in so many ways!

What a fun and meaningful experiment. I do not regret that today I ate enough calories to cancel a week of eating well, I think the experience may have taught me something that will save me in the future. When I am depressed I abuse food, I ABUSE it, like a drug. Abusing food is not benign, it is very serious. The weight gain is not only enough to kill me with heart disease, it is something that contributes to my low-energy and therefore makes my depression worse.

This experiment, and signing up for ishape (I swear they aren't paying me for mentioning it so much!) has taught me that my weight is under my control, I CONTROL IT! That is SOOOO empowering. I can easily live on 1600 calories a day, easily. And I could easily die from eating like I used to. Thank god I am learning it now.

mood: empowered (and full!)

Breakfast: 984 Calories: 60.0 % carbs, 19.9 % protein, 20.0 % fat

1.0 ea NutriGrain Cereal Bars-Mixed Berry KLC
1.0 ea Sausage Patty
0.75 ea Frozen Waffle
2.0 tbsp Maple Pancake Syrup
1.0 ea Chocolate Chip Muffin
36.0 fl oz Skim Milk

Lunch: 960 Calories: 76.7 % carbs, 8.0 % protein, 15.1 % fat

1.0 ea Banana
0.5 cup Canned Apricots in Heavy Syrup
1.0 package yogurt cup
1.0 package yogurt cup
1.0 package fruit snacks
1.0 package Ramen Cup


Dinner: 1534 Calories: 44.3 % carbs, 13.3 % protein, 42.3 % fat

1.0 ea IceCreamBlizzard-ChocChipCookieDo-Sml DQ
1.0 ea Homestyle Deluxe Double Cheeseburger DQI
113.0 gm Sm DQ fries

47 comments:

Satan said...

I don't have a comment.

Satan said...

How are you Mate?

Personally, I'm feeling pretty stupid today.

Diana Crabtree said...

You feel stupid today? did you eat two days calories in one day?

Satan said...

Wry Chuckle...

That would be lovely if I had.

Diana Crabtree said...

What happened today? I just got back from my friend Carrie's wedding :) My makeup is still on :)

Satan said...

Oh, I'm sorry... bet you fancy.

How was the wedding?

Satan said...

that was... look fancy

Diana Crabtree said...

Yeah, I looked like a girl! It was a lot of fun, very humorous and laid back :)

Satan said...

Oh you did not!

Ithought weddings were meant to be serious affairs?

Satan said...

Hey, I was only joking. I'm sure you were beautiful.

Diana Crabtree said...

They are supposed to be, everyone is supposed to be formal and uncomfortable, making forced small talk and pretending to be happy. But someone forgot to tell them that. It was very relaxed and again, humorous, nothing in particular was funny, it was just a humorous atmosphere:)

Satan said...

I know what you mean. I love events like that. I suppose you're all a buzz and tired?!

Diana Crabtree said...

I had one glass of wine. I would actually love to IM Style banter if you feel like it. I miss you and this is the first time I have had alone in probably 2 weeks so I want to stay up a bit and enjoy it :)

Satan said...

Bless you!

I don't want bring ya down though...

Tell me about something?!

Diana Crabtree said...

Tell you about what?

Bring me down baby. If it brings you up it will bring me up :)

Satan said...

Tell me about anything... did you have your golf date yet?

Diana Crabtree said...

You just want a subject change from whatever happened today, huh?

Well I will start with the wedding...It will be nice, like a rough draft for my blog

First off...too much cleavage. I busted out so much in this dress that the tailor had to put a heavy duty waist clasp to tug 'em together because the little hook wasn't enough.

Thanks to those honeys the bridesmaids were saying the photographer was in love with me, he kept showing me the shots he got on his camera, and hugged me at the end of the night, LOL

Diana Crabtree said...

Second...the funk of ages

I didn't want to get anti-perspirant on the dress, so instead of using it I used just plain deodarant. Not enough. After the wedding I had my friends go to Cub foods with me so I could get the heavy-duty stuff, someone asked us if it was a wedding or prom. I said prom.

Satan said...

Absolutely...

Is there such a thing as too much cleavage??? I guess the resulting explosion could have been dangerous so it's luck your tailor took care of it.

So he wasn't an 'artiste' then?? LMAO... Must have been flattering.

Satan said...

Did you have a date for the Prom??

Diana Crabtree said...

Third...Food service memories

I saw the bartender walking by the table and my mouth dropped open, it was mike, a young man I used to work with who I, as a dirty old 24 year old woman, used to drool over when he was only 17. He was such a cutie, and with the greatest personality.

But memory lane wasn't over, Carrie's dad took me to a table saying "someone remembers you" It was a man I used to work with at a country club, and I was on the spot so I didn't remember right away. Really embarrassing. I did some quick thinking on the spot and remembered he liked dirtbikes, phew! I think I recovered.

Satan said...

LMAO - embarassment saved by dirtbikes... that has to be a first.

Diana Crabtree said...

Having the photographer giving me that much attention? Hmmm, not sure if it was flattering. He seemed nice but a little pervy. I am sure his attention had as much to do with my being friendly as my boobs.

And in a catholic church, yes, there is a such thing as too much cleavage (I sent you a pic, but maybe it is tastefully hidden)

Diana Crabtree said...

My prom date was my smart 5-year old friend's daddy

Satan said...

Oh, I'm at home... did you send it to work??

Didn't you know, all us photographers are a little pervy.

Satan said...

And what did his wife think of this young lady??

Diana Crabtree said...

His wife loves pawning him off on me, she was in the car with the little guy so he could take a nap.

I will send the pic to you at home.

And "all us photographers" what? You are a photographer too now?

Satan said...

Well, videographer... a close relative.

Was he in the bridal party as well? He must have been stoked to be with the best looking bridesmaid. Well, at least the one who everyone was looking at. I hope the cleavage didn't out shine the bride.

Diana Crabtree said...

You'll see in the picture, the boobs could not outshine the bride, she looked like a princess (although I think she looks pretty grumpy in the pic I sent! [nerves before the wedding])

Satan said...

I'm on dial up so it's going to take ages to download.

You're right though, nothing ever seems to ou shine the bride on the day. That's the best thing about weddings.

Mind you, the catholic church could definately use a bit more cleavage.

Why didn't you invite BK?

Satan said...

Sorry babe, the download was playing havoc with this PC. It really needs an overhaul. I'll look at them at work tommorrow.

Diana Crabtree said...

Dialup? You are supposed to be a computer nerd! I would skip the pics, I sent 5 so it would take forever.

I didn't invite BK because I just met him. We had one phone conversation and one date. Also, it would be boring to go to a wedding with a person in the wedding party. You don't sit with them so you are basically alone the whole time and you dont know anyone.

Diana Crabtree said...

So are you feeling better yet sweetie?

Satan said...

Yeah, of course... as I said I'm a little stupid today.

I know, I know, it's WOB's PC and she only ued it for word processing during her degree. As I said, it's in desperate need of an overhaul. It only gets used for blogging these days.

Satan said...

Yeah, somewhat, I don't deserve blogpals like you, but I'm willing to accept the luck and the friendship though.

I should get off here. Need to make a phone call anyway.

Diana Crabtree said...

What did I do? Where are you going? WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Diana Crabtree said...

I would send you pictures of me crying right now but you wouldnt see them because you have dial up

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Satan said...

Sweetie, no, you misunderstood. There' a lot of that surrounding me at the moment.

I meat, yes the BK thing makes sense but I'm not very in-tune with sense at the moment.

I menat the thing about You being an awesome blogpal. I'm very lucky to meet you A.

WOB needs to make a phone call so I really have to get of before she pulls the Internet connetion out. Hehehehe. OK, she would never do that but I promised I would get off so she could ring her dad.

Diana Crabtree said...

did I mention........

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Satan said...

Didn't mean to make you cry. That goes for the other person I made cry today.

Diana Crabtree said...

bye

wah

Diana Crabtree said...

I hope everything is okay

Mwah

Satan said...

Awwwwwww.... shit!

Satan said...

It will be. I just hate inadvertently hurting people. I feel like I should somehow have done something different to make it OK. But I can't. I fucked up a friendship and now I'm part of the problem so I can't even help that person fix it.

I'm. Just. so. STUPID.

Diana Crabtree said...

Oh shit! Do you want to come back on later and talk about it? Just let me know, becuase otherwise I will go to bed

Satan said...

Go to Bed. WOB will be ages. Maybe tomorrow or at least the next time I catch ya on-line.

Luv ya Di - and thanks, this really did help. Chat to you soon and sleep well.

Bye.

Diana Crabtree said...

I hope so, that you feel better and that I get you later.

Night night

MWAH