DISCLAIMER: I sometimes think unpleasant and/or unkind thoughts. It is unfair to judge me for having these thoughts because all people have unpleasant and unkind thoughts, it is how people behave in reaction to these thoughts that determines their character. The way I responded to the unpleasant thoughts I was having on the day I wrote this was to honestly admit to how I was feeling and analyzing why I was feeling it. It worked.
ALSO: When reading this notice that I say REMINDS me of myself when I WAS less evolved, I did not call HER less evolved. (Take that you-know-who! MWAH!)
Uh-oh, my new roommate, REALLY on my nerves!
The one who is a clone of me, driving me crazy, not a good sign. She seems to be a clone of me, but of me in my pre-suicidal days. I feel like I am a few years ahead of her, and probably because she reminds me of myself when I was less evolved, it brings out the dislike I had/have for myself.
It's totally unfair to her. She is completely sweet. So why is she irritating me? I need to analyze it so I can fix my reactions and not be unfair to her.
One aspect: This is her first apartment, (She traveled the world after high school) I made a decision to let her do all of the decorating type stuff she wants, I have already had my first apartment, so why should I be a downer for that kind of fun? It's annoying me. She buys lots of name-brand products which to me just seems like handing money to Millionaire C.E.O.s saying "You need this more than I do." But guess what? I buy name brand products sometimes too! It is rediculous and mean for me to judge her for what she spends her money on. We had some clear plates, but she was really gung-ho on getting some fancy plates. I tried to convince her subtly that the dishes we have are great, but she seemed to really want the fancy ones, and I remember wanting that sort of thing when I had my first apartment, so I obliged, and went in on them ($40!) They are very pretty, crackly turquoise, the color of caribbian water on the inside, and dark brown on the outside.
I think I might have tapped into what is bugging me. She symbolizes temptation. I am trying to become less materialistic. I have pretty & functional plates, I don't need new ones, she, by wanting fancy plates is encouraging that attitude that exists in me of wanting more, not just appreciating what I have. She symbolises the person I was, the obstacles I have come so far in overcoming (materialism, brand-attachment) and I fear that she will drag me back in. This is not fair to her, it is my responsibility to stick to my own values, and none of my business to evaluate hers.
Emma and another roommate were very unfair to me. They judged my imperfections, even though I had a good heart. I don't want to do the same thing to Tera.
mood: calmed (was feeling very tense earlier)