Thursday, July 21, 2005

My hopes are up

I just got back from a psychiatrist appointment. I showed the doctor the fog post, to show that even with my depression improved the anxiety is severe enough that I am only able to survive, and survival alone is not motivation enough for me to keep on going.

He initialy began suggesting a benzodiazapine, since I had such success on ativan, but my job drug tests for benzodiazapines, as they do shorten your reaction time, so those are out. I am terrified of addiction, so I am not TOO upset about not having that option.

He had two other ideas, one a blood pressure medication, another an anti-psychotic medication. I told him to skip the anti-psychotic because I have no problem with reading peoples minds. I didn't really say that. He told me that this medication had been studied in doses of 10 and 16 mg, for psychotic situatuations, but in doses of .25 and .50 it has worked very well for people with anxiety. I chose the anti-psychotic called Risperdal (Risperdone) becuase it had less side effects than the blood pressure medicine. A bonus is to hear it has effects in only a few days!

My hopes are up.

mood: optimistic

127 comments:

Diana Crabtree said...

The sad thing is, with an antipsychotic, I may no longer recieve "messages" from baby bunnies and Satan

Satan said...

Rubbish

Satan said...

Reminds of that film 'Drop dead fred'. The more medication you take the more I disappear? I feel myself growing fainter alrea...........

FluffyBunnyCakes said...

Reminds me of that film 'Paris Texas'. The more 'medication' you take the better I get.

Diana Crabtree said...

Your disappearing? You can't be serious!

Diana Crabtree said...

Are you disappearing because of the medication, or because I haven't seen either of those movies?

Diana Crabtree said...

Oh no...no response, it's working too well

Diana Crabtree said...

I don't need you anyway! I have the 7 dwarfs who live in my desk drawer who sing songs to me and do the macerena when I am trying to sleep

Diana Crabtree said...

Isn't that right guys? Guys? Where are you? (brb- checking my desk drawer)

7 Dwarfs said...

We don't like you, you killed Satan - You bitch!

Diana Crabtree said...

This reminds me of a sad story. I met a SEXY guy at a dance club, he was weird, but it was a weird club.

He said he was a pagan priest of some kind and could legally perform weddings. He thought he could read auras and that he was able to tell if someone was sick (I happened to have a sinus infection at the time, which he couldn't detect)

I think I knew him for a month or so, he had told me that he was schitzophrenic and wouldn't take medication because his "spirit guides" would leave him. It was very sad.

The good news is I was able to blow him off guilt-free. He would hit on me and then 5 minutes later hit on another girl, right in front of me. Those spirit guides gave him very bad woman advice

FluffyBunnyCakes said...

*hoppity*

Now that IS weird, I happen to have a sinus infection... quite dizzy...

Satan said...

.........atch drop dead fred and you'll understa........

Diana Crabtree said...

Is it worth watching? Or are you being evil?

Satan said...

........ids movie, fun and touching. I think you'd like i........

Diana Crabtree said...

What do I need to do to get Satan back?
I know what I'll do! I will throw something recycleable in the trash! To the landfill for you pop can!

Satan said...

...se your imagination, all you have to do is belie........

Diana Crabtree said...

I can't believe you want me to watch that. Those actors are such Yahoos. And so serious

Diana Crabtree said...

I believe in Satan! Get in front of me Satan!

Satan said...

*Satan tap-dances through Diana's blog*

What? Rick Mayall (sp?) and Phoebe Cates are awesome. Contains lots of adult themes and is really charming. What's wrong with kids films?

*Continues on past shaking head*

Diana Crabtree said...

I thought there was an actor named Yahoo Serious

Maybe that was one of those Einstien movies

I love your cane and top-hat

Satan said...

Lot's of girl's love my 'Cane'. *wink*

There is an aussie actor named Yahoo Serious - Didn't know he was in Drop Dead Fred though. That guy is an idiot - really wasted an opportunity to build a career by making poor script choices.

Diana Crabtree said...

Sorry- it was the big hair

Satan said...

I don't understand, what?

Diana Crabtree said...

The big hair made me think it was yahoo serious, but then I googled his name and saw it wasn't him

I was wondering why you werent taking the jokes I was setting up for you

Satan said...

Drop Dead Fred. I think the 4.6 rating is a little harsh.

Diana Crabtree said...

My aunt had dyed her hair too red and my cousin and I called her drop dead fred for a few days

Satan said...

Ahhhhhhhhh light dawns....

Satan said...

So you have seen the movie?

Diana Crabtree said...

Is Light Dawns the name of the Actor who played Drop Dead Fred?

No, I havent seen the movie

Diana Crabtree said...

I think I might (after I am done with the holy grail) then I may catch more of your references

I am in the mood for comedies lately

Satan said...

Then how did you know your aunt was Drop Dead Fred?

Light Dawns - Actor - That is a truely terrible joke. Truely terrible...

Satan said...

you may be in the mood for comedies but one more joke like that and I'll stop laughing with you and start laughing at you.

Diana Crabtree said...

I knew it was her from the commercials.

Come now, we were just discussing an actor named Yahoo Serious, it wasn't THAT bad

Satan said...

My references are so obscure that I don't think anyone gets them...

Which is a nice way of saying I'm an unitelligble fool.

Satan said...

Funny how I mis-typed unintelligible...

Diana Crabtree said...

I catch some of your references. But don't worry, you will always be an unintelligable fool to me.

Satan said...

No it wasn't THAT bad : )

Satan said...

Awwwwww, aren't you nice.

You mistyped it too.

Diana Crabtree said...

I know I did, I was just in the middle of saying "I never mistype/misspeell things"

Diana Crabtree said...

;)

Satan said...

Hehehe - Sounds like a beauty contest run at an Orchid: The winner of the 2005 Miss Peell competition goes to Diana Crabtree.

Satan said...

Should have put a drum rool in there somewhere...

Diana Crabtree said...

LOL (except I dont understand the "Orchid" part)

Diana Crabtree said...

Bad spellers of the world untie!

Diana Crabtree said...

Im an okay speller, just a bad typ er

Diana Crabtree said...

Hows work? My Satanic telepathy says busy

Diana Crabtree said...

Then again, I did take an anti-psychic medication today

Satan said...

Peel as in peel a piece of fruit hence orchid (I misspelt orchad Haha).

I'm also terrible typer... sorta, actually I'm a terrible proof reader...

Works busy, but I have a killer headache from the sinus/ middle ear infection

Diana Crabtree said...

I knew that- because I could read your aura

actually a bunny told me

Satan said...

Wow, you can read Aura's; Can you give me some bad advice on women and then marry me?

That damn wabbit!

Diana Crabtree said...

*Diana begins an interprative dance*

Orchad is the code word my hypnotherapist uses

Diana Crabtree said...

Do you want me to marry you to someone else or to me?

My advice would be marry me.

Satan said...

Shit! there I go again I meant Orchard.... blimey!

Is that the hypnotherapist on the cornice of 3rd and Devonshire Streets

Satan said...

We're already engaged aren't we?

Diana Crabtree said...

Oh yeah, in 2055 :) I can't wait (although that's a long time for me to wait to lose my virginity)

Satan said...

Bahahhaaaahhahahhahhhaaa, yeah right! Lose your virginity... good one ;)

Diana Crabtree said...

No, my other hypnotherapist works there and "cornice" is her code word...uh oh

*Diana begins spastic gyrations as she performs two interprative dances at one time*

Diana Crabtree said...

Are you saying you don't plan to put out on our honeymoon?

Satan said...

See! There's no way I'd believe a girl who can gyrate like that is a virgin.

Satan said...

We might be too old.... we'd break a hip or something.

Diana Crabtree said...

Maybe THIS will change your mind

*Flails her body around like a fish out of water*

Satan said...

That's just turning me on... maybe you shouldn't be wearing that mermaid outfit...


I mean you should be wearing something more appropriate not that you should be naked... or do I?

Diana Crabtree said...

Turning you on is the idea.

Yes, I think it's a good idea that you put on the mermaid outfit. or else that cactus I like so much on you

Satan said...

I thought it was 'in' me not 'on' me! OUCH - I'm suddenly losing interest for some reason.

If you want to turn me on the switch is just to the left a little.

Diana Crabtree said...

I will use that advice in 50 years

Christopher Trottier said...

I hope things do improve for you.

Diana Crabtree said...

Wait- you will be my 3rd husband by that time so I wont be a virgin anymore-

will you still have me?

Satan said...

Of course I will... Just don't make me angry!

Hey I think your first husband just dropped by. Nice Avator, Hehehe

Satan said...

Avatar - God damn it and my inability to spell and type!!!!!

Diana Crabtree said...

ROTFLMAO! I forgot he said that LMAO

Whats an Avatar?

Satan said...

An image representing a user in a
multi-user virtual reality. Good word huh! Specifically online. I love new usage of words... not as much as I love you in a mermaids outfit. I think it was traditionally used in terms of a manifestation of hindu god.

Satan said...

The avatar not the mermaid outfit, now I'm having trouble with grammer.

Diana Crabtree said...

It's cause your sick, don't sweat it

Satan said...

Yes, yes I am sick. But only mentally... can I have some of your anti-psychic medicine.

Diana Crabtree said...

You can have all of it, I miss my 7 dwarfs ;)

Diana Crabtree said...

Thanks to you I am number one on blogger's most recently updated blogs :) :) :)

Satan said...

Woo-hoo: You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1, You're no. 1.

The seven dwarfs don't like you anyway... or so I hear.

Diana Crabtree said...

Thats a bad sign when your hallucinations dont even like you

Satan said...

I just thought that was normal - Uh oh....

Satan said...

Talking of normal... back in ten...

Diana Crabtree said...

I am going to finish a movie "The Grudge" and maybe turn in.

I might check back later tonight- if your up to it

Satan said...

Oh, I'm always 'up to it'... *snigger*

Diana Crabtree said...

Satan, your sick when your sick

Satan said...

I apoligise... it was all that gyrating coinciding with the spinning in my feverish head. I forgot where I was for a moment, but I remember now. I'm in Fiji.

Diana Crabtree said...

If you were here I would bring you water and chicken soup.

If I was there I would be laying on the beach, reapplying my sunscreen (the Fiji sun can be harsh)

Satan said...

It's winter in the southern hemisphere...

FluffyBunnyCakes said...

Oi Satan,

Just because you're sick and I go away for a little while doesn't mean you can steal my Hugh Hefner routine!

oh and *cute bouncy wouncy, flippity floppity*

Diana Crabtree said...

Okay Okay I would bring you soup if I was there too

Satan said...

Mmmm soup

Diana Crabtree said...

Is this enough? If not I'll get you more...as much as it takes

Satan said...

Actually I'm usually the type of person who just wants to be left alone when they're sick. People fussing around just makes me anxious and annoyed.

Sitting under a blanket on the couch, watching a DVD, and feeling sorry for myself is just fine.

Satan said...

I could take a bath in that... luxurious...

Diana Crabtree said...

Than good thing I am on another hemisphere- when someone is sick I turn into Granny sweetness

Satan said...

I used the word 'just' a lot. I just wondered why?

Diana Crabtree said...

I just dont know

Satan said...

You're all sweetness anyway and the car lot comercial shows just how granny you aren't. ; )

Diana Crabtree said...

I am going to go to bed soon I think, not because I am tired out from a long day, limeted caffine and an unhealthy diet, but becuase you like to be left alone when you are sick

Satan said...

I just got called George Burns on my blog (did you hate my post BTW) is that a compliment?

Satan said...

I think e-fussing is just fine. I can't do any work anyway, I'm just wondering when they're going to fire me?

Diana Crabtree said...

It could be a compliment.

I think you should go home sick if you can't do any work

Satan said...

I've got to travel to Canberra tonight. Can't go home...

Satan said...

Does that mean you did hate my post... I didn't think it was your cuppa.

Diana Crabtree said...

What is Canberra?

Satan said...

Ummm, the Australian Capital. Whew! I knew Americans were bad at things outside their own country but really!

It's an aboriginal word meaning 'Meeting place'.

Diana Crabtree said...

I thought you were referring that to the person who called you George Burns

No, I didn't hate your post. Why don't you think its my "cuppa"?

Diana Crabtree said...

Is that why you didn't call in sick today?

Satan said...

Not exactly PC. ; )

Satan said...

Yeah, I soooooo wanted to stay in bed. (Mostly 'cause I was hoping you'd bring me soup. Hehehe)

Satan said...

The aboriginals pronounce it.

Cuunburra (and they say it really fast... now they have a cool accent)

Diana Crabtree said...

The post or the comments? I am a little easier on the PCness when it comes to Majorities

Diana Crabtree said...

I am getting terribly tired (maybe sympathetically)

I hope you get better, I am glad I am not there because it would take everything in my power not to dote on you

Satan said...

I meant the post. The christian right are a majority there aren't they, I forgot...

meeynma blak fullas ar gettin tigedda foray cooroberee

Satan said...

You should go to bed. Thanks for the chats mate. It was fun.

Diana Crabtree said...

Goodnight

Satan said...

Night

Diana Crabtree said...

Sorry it wasnt as fun as the coffee chat :)
Night, enjoy gettin tigedda

Diana Crabtree said...

- enough of a majority to elect a "born again" as president

Satan said...

Yeah, that's all it takes.

You sleep well. And I will enjoy gettin tigedda widda Cuunburra boys.

PS. I thought you said that you were being serious, not funny, during the coffee chat.

Diana Crabtree said...

I am making a joke to cover my true feelings

Satan said...

are those the feelings you get when you wear the Mermaid outfit...

Diana Crabtree said...

No, the ones I get when you wear the mermaid outfit (with glitter in your hair extensions)

Satan said...

LMAO - You should go to bed, now there's an image that'll haunt you all night...

Diana Crabtree said...

If "haunt" is what you want to call it

Hee hee, geez IM sick when your sick

Satan said...

Sweet dreams

Diana Crabtree said...

LOL

Satan said...

Hehehe - Go to BED! *wink*