Friday, July 08, 2005

Good Dream

I took a nap this afternoon and just awoke from a cool dream.

It was all about moving. My best friends Jane and Carrie were packing for her, (Emma was hardly in the dream) and when I got out of bed in my dream I walked into the kitchen to see a huge, empty looking house, a clean slate waiting for my personal expression.

A possible interpretation of this dream could be that I should live alone, but it's too late for that, and it seems silly for a person who is home 3 days a week to pay rent for all 7. Another (very likely) interpretation is that I am so happy to have Emma move. It's not HER I dislike, its how she interacts with me. She is very set in her ways, and her perception of the world, and she seems to believe that her perception is correct. She is not so different than most young Americans (she is 25.) We leave college thinking the world is going to be handed to us on a platter. I think everyone has to work their way up or go through a professional heartbreak to break that bubble of invincibility, she was unemployed for quite some time, (I was NEVER home alone then!) but that didn't seem to do the trick for her.

And the way she interacts with me has so much to do with how she percieves me. I am an introvert, but until just recently I have tested exactly half introvert and half extrovert. She would interpret my outgoingness and friendliness as somehow being false. Its fair to say that many aspects of social interactions between people are routine, but that doesn't make them false, you say and do certain things because they make a person feel comfortable- the social cues are a means to an end- to make the other feel calm and welcomed. Such dynamics are hardly false they are called human interaction.

I do sometimes struggle with figuring out the right social cues, especially since I have spent a good part of my life feeling very different from the majority of people- but many people can see where I am coming from- that my heart is good, but she seems stuck on my percieved negative quality. Perhaps her interpretation of me is a response to my interpretation of her. She strikes me as negative and quite high on herself, I like her in spite of (and sometimes because of) it, and maybe she senses these feelings and thats why she percieves me as fake.

In the end I think we needed each other back then. We were in a precarious living situation with a pathological lying full blown wino alcoholic (the kind you see on the street corners panhandling) and we kept eachother sane by agreeing with how fucked up the situation was (the other two in the house were very wishy washy about it) We dont need each other anymore. In fact, we arent good for each other. I know this for certian. There are things I do that I know piss her off and I honestly dont care. No one should live like that.

In another part of my dream I had sex with a 40 something man who looked like a mix between Louis Gosset Junior and 50 cent. In my dream he was my boyfriend, and I looked like Halle Berry. That part of the dream was not as much a horny dream as a love dream. I was sick in bed, and my hair was a mess and I had no makeup, but he still had sex with me and made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world (well duh! I looked Halle Berry) We didn't kiss of course (because I was sick) but it was so loving and familiar, and I remamber thinking to myself in the dream- he isnt rich, he isn't glamorous, but he loves me- he is who I should have searching for all along. I interpret this dream to mean I should look more like Halle Berry ;)

mood: happy

4 comments:

ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

HAHAHAHAHA! The Halle Berry remark there at the end TOTALLY made me laugh out loud (and since I'm at work, the dude that shares my office probably thought I was having a minor mental breakdown. :-)

Satan said...

I think the dream meant the end of the world is nigh... that or you should have fried chicken livers for dinner. One or the other...

xsapph said...

I had to respond here, I think that the dream meant that you have unresolved issues regarding your investment in yourself, and those who you are closely involved with, and their investment in you, the motives for the investment being perhaps the crux, so I would suggest that if this rings true you go shopping and buy them their worst nightmare gift, and then place it in their hands with the most delicious slow smile, you know the one that says...'I did this for you because I appreciate ALL you have done for me and your happiness means so much to me'... then turn on your heel, knowing that they cannot break your heart... whilst they wear, or live with it...

Meantime go home, have Horlicks, and before you get into bed check there are no hard peas under the 18 mattresses...

Diana Crabtree said...

Sapphire-

Thats interesting that you have a different interpretation. I had settled that the dream in fact meant I should have fried chicken livers for dinner. ;)

I think it's fair to say that I DO have those issues with myself and my roommate. (definately not my friends- those women are better to me than I have been to anyone in my life)

I have a different philosophy of showing someone they cannot break your heart. You get them a wonderful gift. and you say- sincerely, thank you for all that you have done and your happiness means so much to me- and you mean it. And then you turn on your heel knowing they can't break your heart.

That is the route I am going with my roommate, and it feels wonderful