Last night I went to a coffeeshop with the woman who will be my roommate in November. I am going to call her Tera, named after the character Tara in Mira Niar's Kama Sutra: a tale of love.
She is so much like me it freaks me out. I know jealousy will become an issue, as in me being jealous of her for being as "fabulous" as I am. I am so unique and unlike everyone else, it may be hard for me to accept that there is another person out there "blessed" with my perspective.
It is so freakish how alike we are I am concerned about boundaries. When someone is so similar it is easy to assume you can read their mind. You can forget where you end and they begin. I wasn't taught healthy boundaries, and I have had 2 bad roommate experiences relating to boundaries, so I am going to make a point to always write "her and I" never "we."
As I write this I feel a bit anxious. I don't know if I am sensing a genuine red flag, or if I am doing what I do with men- wanting to push away someone who has the potential to become close. Even if it is a red flag I am going to move forward with it. I don't think it is, the anxiety is high in my chest, when I have a negative "gut instinct" about something, it's usually lower down, sort of buried, like its literally in my gut. I hope I make the right choice.
Whats really cool is maybe I can see better how I am percieved by people. This girl is corrrr-nee, and I am very corny. She is very warm, you feel like you could tell her anything. I am told this all the time about myself. Tera is strongly moral and has alot of opinions. Me too. And they are mostly the same. The creepyest moment of the night was after we had established how bizzaro it was how similar we were, and I mentioned I had initially started school to be a physical therapist- she considered that too. AND she is trained in Thai Massage, which is bizarro because I am interested in Thai Massage, and most people have never heard of it, and one of my fantasies is to become trained as a massage therapist!
Tera is very warm and enthusiastic- I have to do everything in my power not to hurt this girl. She still has her idealism and optimism, and I have lost that, I can't take those away from her, just because they were taken from me. The moment I wrote this paragraph the anxiety melted away. I can see proof that she is indeed a different human being, and I know what I need to do to not hurt her :)
mood: tired, a bit overwhelmed, anxious (but a bit better now)