I have so much to write, and on my newly repaired computer I could write for hours, but there is so much to say, too much, so I will just start from today.
I am just happy in my life. Very happy. No boyfriend, no big deal (though some sex would be REAL nice! Oh my god I miss it, and it's been a LONG time!) But minus the sex, just about everything is great.
I have gained back the 6 pounds I had lost, my room is still messy, but thats just things I will have to deal with I guess.
I just have energy (too much really!) so even though I am not everything I want to be, its no big deal, I have the energy to work towards it, I feel like I am moving forward.
I have been shopping (ALOT!) which is a GREAT sign. I have been checked for Bipolar disorder, and know that I don't have it, so this shopping I have been doing is a sign of health. I have been buying things for myself, meaning I find myself worthy of nice things. But, in spite of the amount of shopping I have been doing, I have practiced amazing restraint! See, my grandpa has decided to give me my mother's inheritance, and so he sends out money every year to shrink it down. Well he just sent out a check. (FYI, this contentment came BEFORE the check- cool huh?) I put most of the money to pay off my car (I only owe $2000 now!) paid off my credit card, and decided to allow myself $500 to buy clothes. I have been wearing mostly goodwill clothes for the past 5+ years so I have decided to upgrade my wardrobe to Target (hey big spender!)
Buying clothes for myself has been so fun. I have gotten very basic things, very simple style, with little trends mixed in to feel current. I have bought some very sexy heels, for wearing out, but I don't know how much more I will be going out, because I haven't heard from Kelsey in awhile. We'll see. Anyway, it feels so good to buy things, and to trust myself that I will not go overboard in spending, even when I have the money.
Really its like I'm becoming the old Diana again. And folks, I am talking REALLY old, like high school/early college Diana, one none of you ever knew. This Diana is bubbly, charasmatic, & sexy. Think Kelly Clarkson on her auditions for American Idol, or Heather Graham, maybe a little Drew Barrymore (who someone compared me to on the plane this week) I miss that Diana, and frankly, I thought she was gone forever, I thought the world killed her, and a sadder, more jaded Diana had taken over for good. Apparantly not.
Thing is too...this is big...I don't think I am going to get seriously depressed again soon. I really think that therapy made a BIG difference. I have not feared depression for months, and I used to fear it every time I was tired or crabby. Now I just say "Im tired" or "I feel crabby right now"
This isn't a very descriptive post, it's just where I am in my life right now. I had to break the seal and post something, because otherwise the pressure would get too big, and I wouldn't post anything.
Anyway- I am wishing you heath, and happiness. If you are feeling depressed right now, look at how healthy I am (happy- not manic) and know that I am just like you, and you will be happy again too. Just believe, be patient, and take care of yourself as best you can.
MWAH- love you
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