As I had posted about earlier, twice I had hung out with some trendy people. This was because of Kelsey, a bombshell who used to work at my airline. As I had written before, things felt a little false, and hanging out with them reminded me of how grateful I am to have true friends, but I still enjoyed being accepted by the scariest of scary groups- the trendy people.
Well at the last event I was telling the story of how my last two single friends left town, so I was so grateful to be going out. A girl named Jenn said we should hang out, and I was excited but tried to be cool about it, and we exchanged numbers.
So here's how I dealt with it...I suggested going out one night, she had a friend from "Cali" in town, and I just felt like I would be a third wheel. I found a way to back out when she said her friend would be coming in late, and said lets do it another time. Then I suggested happy hour this week, and we had plans, but she just texted me saying she has a headache- can we reschedule. I wrote back and said I have weekends off so text me when a day works for you. So I am officially off the hook. If she was sincere about wanting to hang out she can contact me, if she doesn't want to hang out, then I know for sure, without doing anything.
And where has Kelsey disappeared to? She sent me a text message saying "Sara and I were wondering if you know where to get the morning after pill?" I texted back "any pharmacy" and never heard from her again. I sent her a text inviting her to hang out with Jenn and I both times, and never heard a word. Then, I texted her asking the name of one of the guys we were with, and she never texted back.
In the long run, I am not missing out on a good friend in Kelsey, I was never under that illusion once I got to know her. It's so much better to be blown off impersonally than to have it happen in front of other people. I am very disappointed to lose the outlet of getting to see how the trendy people live, but her positive influence in my life has already taken hold, and with a vengeance. Being around her, and other people who take being beautiful very seriously, somehow made me feel okay about it. Do I feel it is important? No, it is only important in the way it makes you feel about yourself.
Ever since then I have been changing my life around- cleaning and shopping (within my means) a lot. Until being knocked down by Ashram last night, I have not felt down in the dumps for ages. And best of all, even after being "accepted" by the "in crowd" (or as Jane titled them- my "90210 friends") I knew who I really am, and who my true friends are- and those trendy people were NOT IT. I wouldn't say I was mocking them in my head, (maybe to my friends a little) but I was analyzing their choices, and feeling proud of mine. Well- except the choice of them going to the gym every day while I lay on my bed eating.