My (former) roommate Tera called me passive aggressive today. She doesn't really know what passive aggresive means (it is like slipping insults in in a way that a person doesn't know if they just got insulted or not) I think a more appropriate (but no less unfair) thing to call me would be passive, but the spirit of what she was saying is that she has shit all over me because I didn't specifically tell her to not shit on me.
I feel like I have worked VERY HARD to be nice to her, with the idea that when someone is nice to you, you want more to be nice to them. Problem is, that sort of treatment only works with certian types of people. When some one is spoiled, someone who is always looking for things that serve themselves, they see a person with a wealth of kindness as a cow, who's kindness is there to be milked.
Tera and I had an agreement that she would move all of her stuff into storage except her couch, bed and chair. This way she wouldn't have to pay a months worth of rent, my new roomate could move in, and I didn't tell her this, but it got her out sooner, I was afraid that her boyfriend and her would break up from the pressure of planning to live together (after only 4 months of going out) and she would try to stay.
I had said to her that if she could be out by the 3rd I would be okay with not charging her any rent for those 3 days. I think that sort of implies that after 3 days I think she should pay to be here, but I didn't think it would come to that. She has said to me that it was her goal to get everything taken care of while I was on my trip at the end of the month, so I interpreted that as meaning she would be gone when I returned on the 1st. However, if she had to wait until the 3rd to do the last things, that was fine, I had plans on the 3rd, so I figured it wouldn't have made a difference if she was here or not.
So saying she could be here until the 3rd rent-free, letting her keep her big stuff here so she isn't inconvenienced by having to move it twice, seems nice right? I thought so. This morning I get up at like 1PM and she is watching a "top-chef" marathon. I peeked in her room on the way to the bathroom and saw her bedding was still on the bed, she had packed nothing more than she had the day before.
She complained that her boyfriend hadn't arrived yet, I had made a comment that she should carry her stuff into the hallway to get started. (the sooner her stuff is out, the sooner I can start moving in.) She said her boyfriend was going to carry the boxes, he never lets her carry her work bags, he's such a gentleman. See, thats how she operates, her boyfriend carries her work bag, so the way she thanks his is by expecting him to move all of her stuff that she packed into heavy boxes. (oh, she said she "might carry some of the light stuff.")
So today, on the 4th day of the month, she comes to me at like 4PM and says that she is going to leave her ottoman until tommorow. I pointed out that she isn't paying rent right now so she shouldn't leave it behind. She made some excuse on why she couldn't move it yet, and it was bullshit. She didn't only leave her ottoman, she left a shitload of stuff. She came to me and said she would come TOMORROW with her brother to get it! I told her I would put her stuff in the hall, that it was MY ROOM that she had her stuff in. I was obviously mad. She said she was "doing her best" which is such a crock of shit. Her stuff wasn't even all packed. I spent an hour packing up her things and putting them in the hallway.
I angrily walked to the co-op to buy some sage to "smudge" the apartment. I used to date a Mandan Indian who used to smudge my apartments, it is supposed to get rid of bad spirits or something. Funny thing is, after smudging a place, it really feels different. I called my sister Linda for advice, because I wanted to tell her to bring a U-Haul and take all of her stuff, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't being angry or vengeful. Linda didn't call back in time, I did call Tera and say "Bring a U-haul when you come tomorrow- I have been nice to you over and over again, and you just take advantage of me over and over again." When Linda called later and I told her what I said, she said "good job"
So get what this Tera called back and said to me! She said she didn't "get me" how I would be so friendly and smiley and now I am so angry. Could it be that I have been so friendly and smiley and I am REALLY OFFENDED that my kindness has been thanked by just using me? Was I supposed to tell her "I feel comfortable with not charging you rent if you are out by the 3rd, and that means that after the 3rd I expect you to pay some rent for being here, and by the way, I prefer that you DO move your things out of the room as soon as possible so I can move my things in." Basically, she turned what SHE did around, and it seemed like she was saying I asked for it because I was so "friendly and smiley."
I am SO OFFENDED! It goes without saying that I don't want to spend my days off waiting for her to move out so I can move my stuff in. If I was understanding about her being here after the 1st, doesn't that make me MORE deserving of her speeding it up, ore deserving of common courtesy not LESS?
I ended the conversation with "Getting a U-haul is very easy, if you can't get one tomorrow you can get one the next day" There is no patience left in me. I don't want to wait 2 days for this stuff to be out. I want it out NOW. I hope she hasn't drained my kindness from me, made me so hard that I stop caring for people. Very honestly I feel like she has a little. There were some sweet little extra things I wanted to do for the new roommate, and I am thinking I shouldn't.
FUCK HER FUCK HER FUCK HER!