Last time I met with you I was describing how I really liked my new roommate, and wanted desperately to be her friend, but knew I had to make an effort not to scare her away.
What I didn't write was the angst I felt the next day, she had a friend over, and I felt intimidated. I just felt like she was cool, and I was a loser, as if I was in Jr. High or something. I felt like I was just weird, and she would end up hating me.
I went to my therapist last week, and told her about my situation. I told her I had realized my social skills were still not good, and that I needed to work on them.
I described my situation. I have a girly crush on my new roommate, but I am just certian she is going to hate me, or deem me not cool enough. Dr. T asked me some questions, and said I dont have bad social skills, I actually have very good social skills. She said what I need to work on is boundaries, and that boundaries are fun to work on.
I was so excited! I already knew boundaries were an issue with me. It felt good to have concrete things to work on, and that I shouldn't tone down my bubblyness, which is what I thought was the problem, that I was too bubbly and hyper, and that annoyed people.
Dr. T instructed me to mirror Jennifer, if it seemed like she wanted to talk, then talk, and if it seemed like she wanted to be alone then excuse myself. Jennifer seems very healthy, with healthy boundaries, so I can learn from her, not just in boundaries, but if I am impressed with qualities in her, why not emulate them in myself?
Well here is how it has gone...we have sort of made friends! And I feel confident in myself, I don't feel like the fact that we are friends lowers her to "my level" nor do I feel like I am faking, and that she will discover one day how lowly I am. These are both things I have felt in the past, as well as becoming stuck up. I feel good about the person I am right now, I REALLY think she is cool, and we are getting along.
We are even starting to relax and be a little goofy. I am so excited, and proud of myself. I am able to put my best foot forward, while remaining relaxed and natural. I feel I am getting a reward, a nice new friend, but I also feel worthy of a new friend, I think I am a nice reward for someone else too :)