Monday, September 11, 2006

Clean slate, new rules

I haven't written yet about my new roommate. Hmmm, what should I call her? I will call her Jennifer. I have a girly-crush on Jennifer. If you don't know what a girly crush is, it is when a girl likes a girl in a way that they want to be BFFs with them.

There have been many times that I have had girly crushes on girls and have scared or annoyed them away. But one time in particular that I got to become BFFs with girly crushes was with Carrie and Jane, and sweet-stay-at-home mommy, all from the college that I went to in the north of my state. I think to become friends with Jennifer I will have to follow the suggestion I had to tell myself when dealing with Carrie and Jane...BACK OFF.

So what am I going to do differently with Jennifer than I do with so many others? Number 1: SAY LESS. I talk a lot. I share, for some abnoxious reason, the little thoughts that cross my mind, like “god I LOVE veggie sandwiches” who cares? Unless I think it is an important tidbit of information, or that it will spark an interesting conversation, there is no need for it.

Number 2: Behave as if you have some self-esteem. Who wants to be friends with the most insecure girl in the world? I need to STOP with the disclaimers before every sentence “ this is going off in a tangent” ; “this might be TMI” If it is going off in a tangent, or is TMI, don't say it! Behave as if I am as good as her (of course I am, but since she has hardly any stuff, has traveled the world, and does yoga all the time, I want to be like her, and it puts me on edge a bit)

Number 3: Be attractive. There is a psychological thing with friendships. We want to be around people that represent us positively. It isn't superficial unless you only choose friends who are attractive. But it's just something built in. So brush my teeth the moment I get up, not after lunch LOL. And at least pull myself together enough that I don't look like I just rolled out of bed at 3 PM.

Number 4: Be my funny, loveable self. I am fun, I really am, but sometimes I am just so serious! I need to crack jokes like I do with my pilots, instead of bringing up all of the terrible things going on in our country and the world. Heard of Debbie Downer? That's TOTALLY me!

Number 5: Don't shower her with attention and unsoliceted favors. I do this to people because it just feels so good. “Maybe Jennifer could use these push pins, I will set them out for her” It may be coming from a good place, but it can make people uncomfortable. I am embarrassed to admit this, but maybe I also do it because I want so desperately to be liked. “You can't dislike me...look how nice I am to you” It is fine to do little things here and there, but just like with a man, too much is too much. (Thank goodness Charles and I are so well balanced in the sweetness, I can dote on him as much as I want, he dotes back and doesn't take me for granted)

Number 6: This fits in the “Don't be a Debbie Downer” category...HEY! DIANA! Don't tell your life story, past, present and future. It's fine, in little snippets, OVER TIME, and when asked, but you do not need to put your whole life and character on the table right away, it is not only unnecessary, it is socially inappropriate.

I love my job because I have so much social practice. I get to leave a flight crew after a week, so if I say or do something dumb they will probably forget it by the next time I fly with them. And if I say something dumb or too informal to a passenger, I never have to face them again. I should look at my high roommate turnover as a fortunate thing, I am getting to learn social lessons, and having a chance with someone new, so I don't make them again. And look at Emma and I. We are friends now. I hated her when I lived with her, but I must have learned something from past roommates and botched friend making attempts, because she calls me and asks me to do things.

So don't screw this up Diana. This feels a lot like I have just met a new guy, but maybe that's the focus one should have when making a new friend. In fact, I think my lack of focus and discipline is one thing that has kept me from getting the guys as high-quality as Charles, as well as becoming close friends with the girls I thought were really cool. I would volunteer too much too soon, be too intense, and not make enough of an effort on my image.

Mood: hopeful


anonymous jones said...

Hi! Some people just make friends without even thinking about it, don't they? I reckon the best piece of advice I have ever heard is to 'have an aura of abundance'. People like a sunshiney (but not desperate) vibe. Good luck!

Diana Crabtree said...

Hi Anonymous,

Yeah, some people just make friends without even thinking about it...and I always wished I was one of them. ;)

Thanks for the advice...sounds good. :)