Monday, December 17, 2007

Im doing it all wrong

This wasnt the post I wanted to write, after not writing for so long. i wanted to write one titled "did you miss me?" and give a brief overview of all the great things in my life. But instead, I am writing one about the mistakes I see myself making, in dealing with a crisis.

Juan has broken my fucking heart. I am so hurt I couldnt even write the words a few days ago. He gave me last months rent one month late, and now, this month, when I noticed my bank account was down to $15, I told him "I dont have the money for food" and he gave me $70. He not only didnt give me rent, he didn't even have rent set aside. So naturally I have to kick him out.

He was warned last month. I told him what Tera had done to me, and that if he was late I would kick him out, and I sent him a heartfelt text, and his response was "your next roommate will have to have a lot of money and a lot less projects going on" wrong answer. The correct answer is "I am so sorry, I cant believe I let it get away from me so long" or even better- the correct answer is to pay the rent, on time, or a day late.

So last night I didnt have the money for my medication (fortunately I got paid today so I can go buy it) so I have spent a lot of the day laying in bed and eating cookies. Basically feeling sorry for myself instead of cleaning the house and getting it ready to be shown.

My heart is broken. This is not just the loss of a roommate, but the loss of a friend. I cant tell you how much I love, I mean LOVE Juan. I cant believe he, of all people, would hurt me like this. He is the only roommate I want in this world, but I dont have the money for christmas presents this year, so obviously he has to go.

I am glad I wrote this post. I am going to get out of bed, go to the pharmacy and get my medication, and a healthy lunch (at 3 PM) and I am going to go ahead with my day- strong and powerful. Yes, he hurt me, but I should not hurt me too. I need to take good care of myself right now, because I am one step away from a depression. God i wish I could cry right now.

Oh, and did I mention my friend Joseph in Uganda went to prison for counterfieting money? Yeah, not a good week for me...

But-----I met a boy :) (Who lives in Washington DC) :(

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