SO get this shit!
My roommate and I were supposed to go out for halloween, and then we had this big fight. Then I had made tenative plans with my sister Linda. So a few days later my roomate says "I dont have anything to do for Halloween" and so I invite her with Linda and I.
I call two days ago to Linda, I leave her a message asking if my roommate can come, and then we can all go out afterward. Linda never calls me and I realize at 5 tonight, Its fucking Halloween. I call Linda and she says "I thought you were going out with your roommate"
Fucking roommate has made other plans! All my fucking friends are fucking married and my fucking boyfriend has left me to go to another fucking country! This is worse than having nothing to do for one holiday. This brings back the feelings back from when I would see my dad on holidays with no friends to make plans with. This brings me back to Halloween 2001 when I hadn't made any friends up at college, and I had to suffer the humiliation of having nothing to do on Halloween.
I am so upset. I could call my friends, but I would be inviting myself to be the third wheel with them and their husbands. I could go hang out with my grandparents and father, but when I feel like a stressed out loser I don't need my father to help the situation.
I just want to call Linda and say "why the hell didn't you call me and tell me?- now I have no plans and I feel like a COMPLETE FUCKING LOSER" I am so upset right now that I want to throw things.
I am going to take a sleeping pill, Valerian. Unhealthy choice? Probably. I have to get through this night. If I take the sleeping pill I can just go to bed and try to forget it ever happened.
I am sure everything is okay, but this just stabs me in the heart. It brings me back to very painful times in my life. I didn't even want to do anything tonight. I am so upset. I am hoping the sleeping pill will calm me down, so I can get my head together and realize I am not the hugest loser in the world, I just did a bad job of making plans.
I ate and took the Valerian root. I feel better, fine really.