Today Jennifer leaves, and I leave the day after tomorrow. I wish that I would have had more time and access to blog more often so I would have recorded my range of emotions, but I only blogged twice, so all you will see is this, I'm tired.
Vacations are tiring in general, but what is really tiring is being a Mzungu (white) in barganing Uganda. Everyone assumes you have a lot of money so they charge more for things if you are a Mzungu. Jennifer was a volunteer in Uganda so she had to keep her costs down to Ugandan prices, so I have learned just how much they inflate the prices for us.
So what am I to do when I am alone without Jennifer? Should I pay the prices they ask, knowing they are unfair? Should I bargain down to Ugandan prices, keeping the people from making money they could use (thats not an option, I am giving money to a Ugandan who needs it more, the orphan scholar.) So that means I have to bargain with people tomorrow, especially for transportation. That is so frustrating.
Tomorrow I am going to a chimp island to watch them feed. I will be paying $55 for the boat ride and the feeding. I hope it is worth it. I am scared, frankly, to be alone here. I don't think anything will happen to me, but I stand out like a sore thumb here and without Jen with me I will be more self-concious. the worst part will be the barganing.
There is an upside. Jen lived in Morocco for years, and if you even get eye contact there with someone you set yourself up to be harrassed, so she can seem a little cold. I wonder if I will have a better experience since I am a warm person, or maybe I will have a worse experience since I will look more like a target.
People really do see white skin as equivilent to wealthy. Many white Americans are unable to distinguish different classes of black people, it appears many Ugandans are unable to distinguish different classes of white people. We were in a ritzy hotel yesterday and no one seemed to notice that we really didn't belong there.
I hoped that this trip would change me, unfortunately it didn't change me the way I hoped. Instead of being inspired to dedicate my life to helping, it has hardened me. I can now see the lifestyle of people in the poorest parts of the world, am aware just how much of the world is like that, and so see that the problems are too big for me to make a noticible dent.
On the other hand, I feel very excited about sponsoring the orphan. He has great potential, and I feel that the money that goes to his education will help exponentially, unlike a meal handed to a beggar. I will keep you up to date with his progress.
And I do have the bug in me. I want to go to India next summer. I know now that I can handle witnessing the poverty. And after feeling important, being treated like I was a volunteer, when really I was just a tourist, felt good. Maybe if I went back to school and became a Physical Therapist I could feel that again. I could donate time offering Physical Therapy to people who cant afford it.
I don't know how I feel when I get back, maybe I will wish I was back here, maybe I will be glad I am home with my privledges like free running water, flushing toilets, and set prices. It will probably be both.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
This is the Picadilly line, servicing Cockfosters
Well so far today has been a success. I am through security for my Entebbe flight, so all that is left is getting on the flight, which I doubt will be a problem to Uganda. OH MY FUCKING GOD! I'm going to Uganda! This is so exciting! I am not scared at all, just excited, even though I have no energy to be excited.
After I got my listing squared away (boy did that take a lot of effort!) I took my bags to "Left Baggage" and walked to the underground station. The man at the ticket booth didn't think I had enough time to go to central London. I asked him if there was anywhere near by and he suggested Earl's Court. I bought a two way pass to Earls's court and hopped on the tube.
While on board I chatted with a British man and asked him what I should do. I told him that Earl's Court had been suggested, and he thought that it was a very bad idea. He told me to go to the Liechester station and he couldn't have been more right. I walked all around the area, around Picadilly Circus, by Westminster Abbey and Big Ben, and even by the big ferris wheel, which I could have gone to had that man not advised me against it.
So you would think I would be on cloud nine, walking around the streets of London. But I wasn't. I was hardly impressed. I am just so Jet Lagged and sleep deprived. Now I understand why that flight attendant titled her book "Around the world in a bad mood." I was walking around the streets of London, but part of the time it felt like any other street. But then every few minutes I would think "I'm in London, that's pretty cool" and even feel slightly happy. I haven't felt much happy or excitement today. I don't have the energy to be happy or excited. It's sort of funny, I saw the streets of London in a comatose state, seriously! I was really only half-concious to experience it.
I took pictures of things that looked like I was supposed to take pictures of them. I took a picture of a fountain in Picadilly circus, some tall monument with a statue on top of it, some guys on horses looking really serious and official, and some arch. Of course I knew I was supposed to take pictures of the houses of parliament and Big Ben, and WOW was it amazing! I wished I could have gone inside, it cost 10 pounds to go into westminster abbey, so I skipped that.
Unfortunately I have spent over $100 today, and I don't any luxurious experiences or purchaces to show for it. I spent TONS of money on the underground, because I didn't figure out how to use the turnstyles right, and I spent 19 pounds, nearly $40 on a bus from gatwick to heathrow. What a rediculous waste! All I have to show for my day was 2 coffees, some lentils and rice, a magnet, and my bags being held for a few hours. It is really gross to think of how much I spent here. Just gross.
The best part of the day might have been when I decided to get off at a suburban stop to have lunch/dinner. It was a huge strip mall lasting 5 blocks, but less geared towards tourists, and more geared towards it's multicultural residents.
I was going to spend a few days in London when I was done in Uganda, I am having second thoughts. I may want to go to stonehenge, but I don't think I want to play tourist around London anymore. It was a little boring and lonely. I suppose if I went to a youth hostle I might meet people, but even so, it was so expensive, and I would rather save my money for a trip to India.
I have my hopes high that I can make up some of my lost sleep on the plane to Entebbe tonight, and have more energy and enthusiasm for the day tomorrow. I imagine when I see the prices of things I will be a lot more energized too.
After I got my listing squared away (boy did that take a lot of effort!) I took my bags to "Left Baggage" and walked to the underground station. The man at the ticket booth didn't think I had enough time to go to central London. I asked him if there was anywhere near by and he suggested Earl's Court. I bought a two way pass to Earls's court and hopped on the tube.
While on board I chatted with a British man and asked him what I should do. I told him that Earl's Court had been suggested, and he thought that it was a very bad idea. He told me to go to the Liechester station and he couldn't have been more right. I walked all around the area, around Picadilly Circus, by Westminster Abbey and Big Ben, and even by the big ferris wheel, which I could have gone to had that man not advised me against it.
So you would think I would be on cloud nine, walking around the streets of London. But I wasn't. I was hardly impressed. I am just so Jet Lagged and sleep deprived. Now I understand why that flight attendant titled her book "Around the world in a bad mood." I was walking around the streets of London, but part of the time it felt like any other street. But then every few minutes I would think "I'm in London, that's pretty cool" and even feel slightly happy. I haven't felt much happy or excitement today. I don't have the energy to be happy or excited. It's sort of funny, I saw the streets of London in a comatose state, seriously! I was really only half-concious to experience it.
I took pictures of things that looked like I was supposed to take pictures of them. I took a picture of a fountain in Picadilly circus, some tall monument with a statue on top of it, some guys on horses looking really serious and official, and some arch. Of course I knew I was supposed to take pictures of the houses of parliament and Big Ben, and WOW was it amazing! I wished I could have gone inside, it cost 10 pounds to go into westminster abbey, so I skipped that.
Unfortunately I have spent over $100 today, and I don't any luxurious experiences or purchaces to show for it. I spent TONS of money on the underground, because I didn't figure out how to use the turnstyles right, and I spent 19 pounds, nearly $40 on a bus from gatwick to heathrow. What a rediculous waste! All I have to show for my day was 2 coffees, some lentils and rice, a magnet, and my bags being held for a few hours. It is really gross to think of how much I spent here. Just gross.
The best part of the day might have been when I decided to get off at a suburban stop to have lunch/dinner. It was a huge strip mall lasting 5 blocks, but less geared towards tourists, and more geared towards it's multicultural residents.
I was going to spend a few days in London when I was done in Uganda, I am having second thoughts. I may want to go to stonehenge, but I don't think I want to play tourist around London anymore. It was a little boring and lonely. I suppose if I went to a youth hostle I might meet people, but even so, it was so expensive, and I would rather save my money for a trip to India.
I have my hopes high that I can make up some of my lost sleep on the plane to Entebbe tonight, and have more energy and enthusiasm for the day tomorrow. I imagine when I see the prices of things I will be a lot more energized too.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I love my Grandpa
I didn't tell you this, because I was tired off my ass, but my Grandpa just sent me the most rediculous check last week. He has made the very kind choice to give me the money he would have given my mother, and as time passes he ditributes more and more.
I called him today to thank him, and we had a great conversation. He says he feels old and forgetfull, but not that he sees the end coming (a big check like this worried me) He sounded really good actually.
He made me laugh out loud, he told me a story about trying to learn the violin, but everytime he practiced the dog would leave and not come back for hours. But the best part of the conversation was, I asked him what he wanted from me, and he said he wanted me to be doing something that makes me happy, as in he supports my choice to be a flight attendant. He even was supportive when I told him I was unsure if I should go back to school or go to an airline that flies internationally. That meant so much to me.
Grandpa was the one I was most worried about being disappointed in me. He was a college professor, and education is very valued in the family. But he, like it seems everyone in the family, have been very supportive. I think they all saw how hard I took it when I dropped out of college (well, I guess I dropped out because I was suicidal, not the other way around, but I was suicidal because I knew I couldn't finiah college.) I am so grateful for their support.
Minus my dad, I am very lucky to have the family I do. They are pretty great. My dad isn't horrible either, but he really let me down when I really needed him, and I see he is trying to make it right, and he is taking care of himself, so I should be happy about that.
I called him today to thank him, and we had a great conversation. He says he feels old and forgetfull, but not that he sees the end coming (a big check like this worried me) He sounded really good actually.
He made me laugh out loud, he told me a story about trying to learn the violin, but everytime he practiced the dog would leave and not come back for hours. But the best part of the conversation was, I asked him what he wanted from me, and he said he wanted me to be doing something that makes me happy, as in he supports my choice to be a flight attendant. He even was supportive when I told him I was unsure if I should go back to school or go to an airline that flies internationally. That meant so much to me.
Grandpa was the one I was most worried about being disappointed in me. He was a college professor, and education is very valued in the family. But he, like it seems everyone in the family, have been very supportive. I think they all saw how hard I took it when I dropped out of college (well, I guess I dropped out because I was suicidal, not the other way around, but I was suicidal because I knew I couldn't finiah college.) I am so grateful for their support.
Minus my dad, I am very lucky to have the family I do. They are pretty great. My dad isn't horrible either, but he really let me down when I really needed him, and I see he is trying to make it right, and he is taking care of himself, so I should be happy about that.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Be a flight attendant, get paid $1360 a month!
I called mainline and found out I would be making 1360/month. While I could afford to do that, since my monthly expenses minus food and entertainment come to only 1064/month, I don't want to live that way again. I paid my dues already.
The whole reason I was contemplating this airline is they have a hub in my city. If you live in a city different than your hub, life is pretty much hell, and it would cost at least 200/m extra, because you would need a crash pad. Well, the lady was really shifty on the phone, basically I dont think my hub will be available. So whats the point of going mainline? I could go to a good airline like Southwest or Continental if I was going to live away from base.
So mainline is out the window. There is an airline with a good reputation in my city that I might apply at whe they are hiring. I have a friend there and she really likes it.
Heres to those of you who think you can't live on 1372.80/month
375/mo- room in two bedroom apartment in a dangerous neighborhood
35/mo- minimum payment on your maxxed out credit card
50/mo- antidepressants
300/mo-car payment/insurance/Gas (just hope it doesn't break down)
50/mo-cell phone bill (you dont have a land line)
15/mo- electricity (your half)
150/mo- student loans (you have deferred them as long as they would let you)
28/mo- Save the children (the child in bangladesh you sponser to remember how good you have it)
That leaves you with 369 for taxes, health insurance, food and entertainment. You really dont NEED to eat vegetables, many people in this world survive on beans and rice. And for entertainment you can split basic cable with your roommate for only 12 dollars a month!
...and as the added bonus, all you can grab from the dumpster
The whole reason I was contemplating this airline is they have a hub in my city. If you live in a city different than your hub, life is pretty much hell, and it would cost at least 200/m extra, because you would need a crash pad. Well, the lady was really shifty on the phone, basically I dont think my hub will be available. So whats the point of going mainline? I could go to a good airline like Southwest or Continental if I was going to live away from base.
So mainline is out the window. There is an airline with a good reputation in my city that I might apply at whe they are hiring. I have a friend there and she really likes it.
Heres to those of you who think you can't live on 1372.80/month
375/mo- room in two bedroom apartment in a dangerous neighborhood
35/mo- minimum payment on your maxxed out credit card
50/mo- antidepressants
300/mo-car payment/insurance/Gas (just hope it doesn't break down)
50/mo-cell phone bill (you dont have a land line)
15/mo- electricity (your half)
150/mo- student loans (you have deferred them as long as they would let you)
28/mo- Save the children (the child in bangladesh you sponser to remember how good you have it)
That leaves you with 369 for taxes, health insurance, food and entertainment. You really dont NEED to eat vegetables, many people in this world survive on beans and rice. And for entertainment you can split basic cable with your roommate for only 12 dollars a month!
...and as the added bonus, all you can grab from the dumpster
Thursday, May 03, 2007
In a haze
Oh gosh, I have had so many thoughts and feelings today, I have so much to write about, but I am in such a haze. I am really tired from a lack of sleep and from 5 legs of flying today, as well as being two days behind on medication.
First off, the milky teets thing, the novelty is wearing off. It's a real fucking miracle and all when it happens for a baby, but when it's happening because your hormones are just out of whack, its not as cool. My boobs dont hurt, but I am very aware of them. I feel like a mother minus the joy of a new child and a loving husband to go home to (besides ostrich DNA splicing guy of course)
----ooh, side note, I google stalked him and sent him an e-mail. I hopefully phrased everything in a way that it wasn't creepy (maybe I'll post it) I havent recieved a mailer daemon message so thats good-----
So, guess what I learned today, mainline...yeah. Uh, rumor has it mainline starts at $16,000 a year. Yup. 16. No typo. I'll be honest, I didn't feel that scandalized that my airline starts at that, because my airline is the regionals, it's like the minor leagues. You have to tough it out in the beginning to pay your dues. So I have paid my dues, as I have felt is acceptable for the industry, but now mainline expects me to pay my dues again?
It would make sense if I lost about $1,000 a year having to start at a new company on the bottom, but $16,000? I just started being able to afford to eat vegetables, I own a car now. I live a very small, modest life. $20,000 does not get you very much. I have just upgraded to being able to eat vegetables, buy the first shirt not from a thrift store in nearly 2 years, and get to go on vacation (an F/A affording to go use her flying benefits? someone better put a stop to this!) How can I scale back from my already scaled back life? (I could park my car and stop driving and paying insurance I guess [that made me tear up a little- I just got a car for the first time in years!])
And I am learning that mainline is sleazy. I am talking Enron sleazy. They lied about how much money they had so they could go into bankruptsy and break the flight crew's contracts. I heard they are paying off the judge overseeing the case. I want to name names so bad, the only reason I am not is because it would reveal part of my identity, but I want so much to hold up its name, shout it loud, and let everyone know how bad this company is. I am having second thoughts about working there (I will still interview) I don't want to spend my life looking over my shoulder thinking my company will raid me for everything I have worked for (they seem like the type of company that after 50 years would find a way to not give you your 401K match!)
There is a well liked company in my city that I might try for. It doesn't fly internationally though :( But it's a better trade off to feel a little security than to feel paranoid and crabby all the time, just to go to Japan and be jet-lagged the whole time.
I am having fun on the personals site. I am corresponding with a guy who works in "post-production" in films and bakes in his spare time and an Astrophysicist. No, neither of them live in my city, but one step at a time, right? I even effectively blew off my first psycho, I am proud of that because in the past I would have felt obliged to meet him even though his 8 paragraph rant on George Bush in his first e-mail to me really weirded me out.
One last thing, I am no longer afraid of going off my medication during pregnancy. Today, when suffering from medication withdrawl I felt a lot of tension and thought some irrational things (like about bloody revolutions against corporate greed like the ones that took place in the olden days) but I knew that the ways I was thinking was not natural for me. I saw the bad feelings as abnormal and the calm feelings as normal, and not the other way around like before therapy and risperdal. Also Buddhism is easier to study when you aren't happy. It's easier to tell you are doing something right when you feel it in contrast to pain. Hard to explain what I mean.
If I have a good support system, I think I will not only survive without medication during pregnancy and breastfeeding, I will grow from it.
Okay- I SO gotta go to sleep!
First off, the milky teets thing, the novelty is wearing off. It's a real fucking miracle and all when it happens for a baby, but when it's happening because your hormones are just out of whack, its not as cool. My boobs dont hurt, but I am very aware of them. I feel like a mother minus the joy of a new child and a loving husband to go home to (besides ostrich DNA splicing guy of course)
----ooh, side note, I google stalked him and sent him an e-mail. I hopefully phrased everything in a way that it wasn't creepy (maybe I'll post it) I havent recieved a mailer daemon message so thats good-----
So, guess what I learned today, mainline...yeah. Uh, rumor has it mainline starts at $16,000 a year. Yup. 16. No typo. I'll be honest, I didn't feel that scandalized that my airline starts at that, because my airline is the regionals, it's like the minor leagues. You have to tough it out in the beginning to pay your dues. So I have paid my dues, as I have felt is acceptable for the industry, but now mainline expects me to pay my dues again?
It would make sense if I lost about $1,000 a year having to start at a new company on the bottom, but $16,000? I just started being able to afford to eat vegetables, I own a car now. I live a very small, modest life. $20,000 does not get you very much. I have just upgraded to being able to eat vegetables, buy the first shirt not from a thrift store in nearly 2 years, and get to go on vacation (an F/A affording to go use her flying benefits? someone better put a stop to this!) How can I scale back from my already scaled back life? (I could park my car and stop driving and paying insurance I guess [that made me tear up a little- I just got a car for the first time in years!])
And I am learning that mainline is sleazy. I am talking Enron sleazy. They lied about how much money they had so they could go into bankruptsy and break the flight crew's contracts. I heard they are paying off the judge overseeing the case. I want to name names so bad, the only reason I am not is because it would reveal part of my identity, but I want so much to hold up its name, shout it loud, and let everyone know how bad this company is. I am having second thoughts about working there (I will still interview) I don't want to spend my life looking over my shoulder thinking my company will raid me for everything I have worked for (they seem like the type of company that after 50 years would find a way to not give you your 401K match!)
There is a well liked company in my city that I might try for. It doesn't fly internationally though :( But it's a better trade off to feel a little security than to feel paranoid and crabby all the time, just to go to Japan and be jet-lagged the whole time.
I am having fun on the personals site. I am corresponding with a guy who works in "post-production" in films and bakes in his spare time and an Astrophysicist. No, neither of them live in my city, but one step at a time, right? I even effectively blew off my first psycho, I am proud of that because in the past I would have felt obliged to meet him even though his 8 paragraph rant on George Bush in his first e-mail to me really weirded me out.
One last thing, I am no longer afraid of going off my medication during pregnancy. Today, when suffering from medication withdrawl I felt a lot of tension and thought some irrational things (like about bloody revolutions against corporate greed like the ones that took place in the olden days) but I knew that the ways I was thinking was not natural for me. I saw the bad feelings as abnormal and the calm feelings as normal, and not the other way around like before therapy and risperdal. Also Buddhism is easier to study when you aren't happy. It's easier to tell you are doing something right when you feel it in contrast to pain. Hard to explain what I mean.
If I have a good support system, I think I will not only survive without medication during pregnancy and breastfeeding, I will grow from it.
Okay- I SO gotta go to sleep!
Monday, April 30, 2007
How to be happy
My right blinker wasn't working for quite some time, and last night I FINALLY replaced it, I felt so happy!
Now I am sorting my laundry (nearly all the clothes I own is dirty- hee hee) and I feel a little better the less messy my room is. So why am I laying in bed typing this post instead of continuing?
I think the key to making myself happy has got to be to accomplish things. When my room is completely clean it makes me so happy. I just have the issue that when I push myself too hard my system shuts down, like an overstimulated baby, so just saying "get it done" doesn't work for me.
Hmmmm, what did work was paying myself for my work. I gave myself a wage and bought clothes. The clean house made me happy, and the clothes made me happy. Maybe I will do that again, although I don't have any money to spare if I am going to Uganda/possibly going to mainline.
I have some bad habits that are really holding me back. I would like to stop that.
Now I am sorting my laundry (nearly all the clothes I own is dirty- hee hee) and I feel a little better the less messy my room is. So why am I laying in bed typing this post instead of continuing?
I think the key to making myself happy has got to be to accomplish things. When my room is completely clean it makes me so happy. I just have the issue that when I push myself too hard my system shuts down, like an overstimulated baby, so just saying "get it done" doesn't work for me.
Hmmmm, what did work was paying myself for my work. I gave myself a wage and bought clothes. The clean house made me happy, and the clothes made me happy. Maybe I will do that again, although I don't have any money to spare if I am going to Uganda/possibly going to mainline.
I have some bad habits that are really holding me back. I would like to stop that.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
...And the BIIIIIIIIIIIIG news is...
I applied at Mainline!
You heard me! I am going to apply and interview, I am not certian I will work there, but I have decided to go this far, and make my decision after I am (hopefully) offered the job.
If I had my druthers I would stay where I am and just get paid more. Mainline F/A's are SO CRABBY and I will have to work with them, when I would rather work alone. I will have to put up with cliqueiness, but I think I am ready to handle that.
There were two deciding factors, the big one is they are hiring like 1000 people, so the sooner I get in the more senority I will have, and I can be based where I live (I would never have the courage to take a pay cut & have to switch bases.)
The second deciding factor is I am SOFA KING tired of being SOFA KING poor! I can't afford a condo, I can't afford to have kids, and if I stay where I am I am going to end up 50 in the same financial place. I can survive being poor now, but I want something to show for my life's work when I get older.
Will I get the job? Well Lorraine got hired there! BWAH HA HA HA HA
You heard me! I am going to apply and interview, I am not certian I will work there, but I have decided to go this far, and make my decision after I am (hopefully) offered the job.
If I had my druthers I would stay where I am and just get paid more. Mainline F/A's are SO CRABBY and I will have to work with them, when I would rather work alone. I will have to put up with cliqueiness, but I think I am ready to handle that.
There were two deciding factors, the big one is they are hiring like 1000 people, so the sooner I get in the more senority I will have, and I can be based where I live (I would never have the courage to take a pay cut & have to switch bases.)
The second deciding factor is I am SOFA KING tired of being SOFA KING poor! I can't afford a condo, I can't afford to have kids, and if I stay where I am I am going to end up 50 in the same financial place. I can survive being poor now, but I want something to show for my life's work when I get older.
Will I get the job? Well Lorraine got hired there! BWAH HA HA HA HA
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