I was interviewed for a magazine!

I'm so excited, I got interviewed for a magazine article about insomnia, and I was featured in the article! You can read it here:

Mongrel Magazine

I feel SOOOO much better!

AAAAH! My mood and energy are so much better. If the flight left later today I might even go to work today, but I am thinking I am just going to stay home the whole trip, or maybe I will take a turn tomorrow, but thats it. I have to go pick up my purse, so why not make the trip worth my while, AAH fugedaboudit! I'm staying home and recovering.

I am getting a lot done. Once you have rested for 3 days you get restless!

And a great side effect? After sleeping for 2 days, I got up at 8 the other day, and now I am getting up between 7-9 every day. I love it!

"The Herb" made everything ok

Last night I sat on my massage cushion and that helped my mood. I was sitting trying to think of what could make me feel better and I thought a man making out with me, saying I am really hot would help, but I probably wouldn't be in the mood because I was feeling so unsexy. Then when I imagined a backrub, and I knew that was what I needed. I sat on the cushion, and it really helped.

I took a valerian root pill to help me sleep better. I wondered why the heck I don't take them everyday I'm not working. If I don't have to get up in the morning then why not be sure I get a good nights sleep, and reset my schedule?

I did sleep well. I didn't wake up at 4AM like usual, and toss and turn for an hour, and I had no trouble falling asleep either, I didn't lay in bed thinking about how fat and ugly I felt at the moment. I just went to sleep, and stayed asleep.

Some good news when I got up. The scale has me at 2 pounds over my lowest weight this year. So I can feel confident that I look as good as I did when everything was going so well (Hell! Everything was going well when I was up 8 pounds) so i can just look forward to a good day, to picking myself back up and going back to the great mood I was in.

I cant WIN!!!

So, if I eat too little, I get insommnia. I GET IT!

Damn it! All I want to do is lose a little fucking weight! So what am I doing? Eating less. GEEZ! Yet I am still somehow failing. Why does it have to be so FUCKING HARD!?!

So if I have food with me all the time I will eat it, but if I dont have it around I will be hungry. Eating all the time is a lot of work, especially if you are trying to be healthy. 3 meals a day seems like enough work for me, this whole "5 small meals to keep your metabolism high" sounds IM-FUCKING-POSSIBLE!

And yes, I need to excercise more, but need I remind myself that when I was taking walks my spine went all fucking wacko on me (BTW, it has improved- now that I have stopped walking!)

Im just ANGRY. Probably because I am hungry, LOL. This is just really difficult. I have gained 3-4 pounds and I really see it, so it's important that I take this weight off, but I just cant stand how much work it is. I am doing so well too, thats what pisses me off the most. With all of my good choices I am making, I wish I would see more results. I suppose I can count weight watchers points again, but OH LORD that sounds like even more work (but I suppose it beats sleepless nights)

I CANT FAH-KING SLEEP!

Its 4:30 AM, and I am not nearly close to sleeping. As it is now, I could clean my room for all I care.

There are many reasons why I think it's happening, number one, I didn't eat enough today. I am cutting down on my eating, and since my appetite is less from stopping the risperdal, I hardly need to eat, and I am not eating as much as I should (today anyway.) Today I had a HUGE omelette, toast, coffee, and a hummus sandwich. The omelette could count as two meals, but I should have some snacks too. I would get something to eat, but it would wake up my roommate, who complained to Jennifer about me "stomping around and rattling dishes"

And that is another reason I think I am not sleeping, I just had a rotten day with Jennifer. She is completely impossible, and since she is not my roommate anymore, I really dont need to walk on egg-shells do I? I was thinking about how she was complaining about her friend being evil for calling her friend matthew "mean" then when I suggested she might not be evil Jen got mad at me, because she just wants to believe her friend is awful, my suggesting another angle was "defending her unacceptable behavior" and then later in the day Jennifer said that Matthew is mean. What a bunch of crazy.

I also feel really humiliated to learn that my roommate was upset about me not cashing checks soon enough. If she is mad at that, but doesnt show it, what else is she mad at? (one thing- she hates when I soak recyclables. She throws them from the sink, into the recycling, unwashed)

Then I am anxious because I posted a roommate ad, and its a lot of excitement. I am thinking I want a man, because I am so tired of women's bullshit (like not telling me they are mad, or being rediculously sensitive where you cant even try to cheer them up) but I am afraid if I live with a man I will either sleep with him, or want to sleep with him. Both would be bad. Maybe a gay man would be perfect- nah, they are the biggest bitches of them all!

I drank an energy drink at 4 today, I am sure that didnt help matters much. I want to SLEEP! AAAAH! I am supposed to show the apartment tomorrow!