Monday, June 23, 2008

The second half of the now-over love affair

Continued from:

Everyone went back to the hotel, and back to the "Dominion Room" for more drinks and music. I ended up at a table with the bride and groom, Jimmy, and the best man and his girlfriend. Again there was this subconcious urge to sit by him, but I tried to go against it, and eventually ended up at the opposite end of the table, getting to know the best man, who was a nice guy. Jimmy was eating pistachios one after another. At one point he randomly threw a shell at me and it almost went down my shirt. I threw one at his head and it landed in his hair. Later he complained about being hot, and I the words "take it off" came out of my mouth before I realized I was going to say them.

That night people asked if Jimmy could stay in the suite. It would mean being in the same room as me, and he kept asking if it was okay. I told him it was totally no big deal, I told him I often have guy roommates. We talked and joked into the night, and finally went to sleep.

Finally, the day of the wedding came. By this time I am sick and tired of the f-ing mall (I had been there a number of times, it was right across from the hotel) but we had to go there for our hair, and I got my makeup done at a kiosk for buying $25 of sparkly makeup. The day before I had met the hairdresser, and she said to me "I ahm going tooh mayke yooh beouuteefuul." She was great, from Iraq. She was telling me about her perfect children, and I asked for her orthapedic surgeon son's phone number (she didnt give it to me.) My hair was cute. Not as cute as my friend does it, but it was very nice.

We got to the Unitarian church and there was a get ready room. I taped towels on the door so no-one could see the bride in her dress, a good thing because the men were getting ready next door. I had no steam left really. It had been a long week and I was tired. We got ready and lined up for the wedding. While we stood in line, people from the meditation group were putting cushions in the room. It was so bizarre! They may not have been American-born, but you would have thought they could figure out this was a wedding and respectfully waited to put the cushions in the room! The wedding planner put her foot down and made them remove them. They seemed surprised. I find that so weird.

The ceremony was nice. I got eye contact with Jimmy once, I avoided it the rest of the time. When I told him he looked like Tim Allen (a combination of Tim Allen and John Cusack) he said he was going to grunt like Tim Allen during the wedding. He didnt. After it was over it was pictures. The photographer wanted me there to help make people laugh and grab bouquets and stuff. I felt flattered to be used, but I was just tired and sick of it all. There was so much tension in the place. Both had divorced parents, and the bride's mom's side of the family are fun, but gossipy and one was quite bitchy.

The dinner had great food, but we all just sat at the table and didnt say much. It wasnt fun. I was tired and felt like my seat was going to fall backwards. Then the mother of the bride had some idea of having a parade up to the reception. I am sure it looked great, but I just wanted to get it over with.

We got to the reception hall and loud music was not for me. I sat, enjoyed the cake, and chatted with one of the performers from the wedding. Then there was some dance. I didnt want to do it, but the brides mom said I had to. If I had to dance, I was looking for Jimmy to dance with. When his sister grabbed him and I said "I want to dance with sweaty" and he said "you can cut in." I asked the brides brother and he was like "I dont want to dance" and I'm like "yeah, duh, neither do I" finally I danced with my uncle.

I wanted to find a bathroom, so I walked through an open door. There was construction, but I thought maybe I could connect to the bathroom by walking through it. Also, it was so peaceful in there, so I kept walking farther. It was actually really cool. It felt naughty to be in there, and It went so deep through. I lingered a minute, but then finally went out when I realized it wouldnt connect. I had to go back to the church to go to the bathroom. I appreciated leaving.

When I walked out of the bathroom and looked in the mirror I felt like I looked like the fat girl in "My big fat greek wedding." I got struck with this sense of sadness, I figured "Jimmy liked me until seeing me in this dress, he didnt realize I was fat until now. It bummed me out. However, soon after I arrived back at the reception, we found each other (he got me a margarita) and I ended up showing him the back area. (I called them "the catacombs")

We chit-chatted. His dad's second wife's grand-kid came in and we teased him a little, but when he started going in deeper I told him be careful, and Jimmy made him leave. He said something about me being cool, and I said something about him being cool and one of us said something about it being too bad we live so far apart and I said "well we could always have the cliche fling" and we both seemed to like the idea. We walked to the very, very back of the catacombs, into a bathroom with a tiny toilet in it, and made out like banshees. I commented on how I thought he would be shy and timid, and that I was happy that he was so confident and aggressive. And he grabbed me and kissed me hard. At one point he asked me if I was drunk enough that he could take advantage of me, and I had to think about it, and shrugged my shoulders. He took the second half of my margarita and poured it in his glass.

I cant remember the transition from the making out to back to the church, but I had mentioned we had to decorate the car. No one had planned to decorate the car! We tried wet chalk, but it didnt leave a mark, so we scrounged and finally settled on masking tape. It was a lot of fun, and it provided the perfect alibi for our shenanigans.

By the time I got back to the reception it was just about over. I wished it was longer, because by then I had changed into my clothes, and felt much better. We all went to the dominion room and hung out a bit, and somehow I remember being upstairs, kissing Jimmy before he was about to take a shower. I was unbuttoning his shirt for him, and seeing his hairy chest nearly sent me over the edge. I went back to the dominion room and he texted asking how long I would be. When it was all over I didnt want to wait for everything to be quiet, but once it was, he rolled into my bed, and it was so amazing. To like someone, be mutually attracted to them and kiss them is so, so sexy. He knew what to do, and it drove me crazy.

At one point I touched him and it was so freaking huge. He was fresh from the shower, and I desperately wanted to, so went down on him, even with my aunt and uncle in the next room. He was going to finish, and I let him, and I liked it, I had no problem with it. I loved making him happy. He sounded so very happy. (I like what I do, and I know how to do it ;) ) He did some lovely things to me too, and I didnt have an orgasm (because I dont with guys) but It was incredible.

I didn't want him to go to his bed, but I didn't want us to fall asleep accidentally. So eventually we laid down in our own beds. After what could have been 5 minutes, or could have been 20, my eyes opened to the light of my phone. The power was going on and off. I whispered "did the power just go off?" and we ended up on the balcony. It was surreal, the dark courtyard with little power except from the generator, and music playing!

In the morning my aunt caught him leaning over me, and when Jimmy was leaving I walked with him, and kissed him by the elevator, just as my uncle came around the corner. I am sure they are mad at me, sure I had sex, which I wouldnt have, even if I had a condom, because it would be disrespectful, yet we still went down on each other, so how is that more respectful? not sure. I was already feeling a-social and tired, and having them irritated with me didn't help. I hid in the basement at my aunt's stupid day after brunch, which was mostly her loud irish sisters.

And that was that. I thought Jimmy and I would see each-other on the 28th, and I was going to get a room away from the pilots so we wouldnt wake them up. I bought him a 4 pound bag of pistachios. I was going to go in for a fresh coochie-wax this weekend. But the day before yesterday I wrote him and said "what do you think about next week?" but I didnt have to write that. He is a big texter, and he had only texted me twice after that night, the week after, and on father's day, when I texted him "happy fathers day" and he said "Why thank you" and nothing more. I knew. When a boy likes you he tries. If he's shy, then he takes the bait when you start a conversation. It was never going to happen. He knew this girl a year, he was probably seeing her while we were at the wedding. (He was texting someone on the first day.)

I am feeling much better today. Thankfully, yesterday a hot workout dude was chatting with me in the excercise room at the hotel and maybe was going to ask me to dinner (twice he asked when I would know if my flight was cancelled) sure, he knew I was an F/A and must of assumed I was an easy lay, but at least it shows I'm not a dog. Today I chatted with a German engineer (you know how I love the Germans) and having my name put in a song by a sexy and talented (albiet jerky) musician made it all a little easier.

I am also doing well with the weight watchers. I have been counting points on my ipod, and yes, I am not being perfect, but I am monitoring and limiting my food. I feel in control. And running was surprisingly easy! :) I feel confident that I will get back down to 185, and probably just stay there and be happy with it. 175, 150 would be nice, but if I can look in the mirror at 185 and feel pretty, then 185 it is.

I will move on. It is happening quickly. I just have to keep my confidence and move forward. I cant dwell on feeling used. I do, but I participated in it. I didnt want promises, but I wanted to get him without promises.

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