So. I went to Baltimore/D.C. and visited Mo. I was attracted to him, he was a good kisser, but for some reason didn't want to make out. We had fun, we slept, we watched "The Boondocks" and played "Dance Dance Revolution"
At the end of the trip I started to say "So when are you moving to *******?" (where I live.) I then later said "I am still pessimistic about the distance" expecting that to be something that would cushion the blow when later I told him I couldn't handle the distance. But instead he was like "Phew! I was so worried about hurting you, I'm just not ready for a relationship."
I made myself a difficult character to fall for. I was probably a huge bore, and I hemmed and hawwed about traveling. But what I was doing was being honest about how traveling wears me out. This way if I wasn't into him (which I was only partially) I could let him down more easily.
I am proud that I didn't give up and stay home. I traveled. I gave it a shot. And neither him, or me are hurt. He is a good guy. I like him.
Oddly, today I got a call/message from the half Brazillian, half Argentinian guy. How did he know that I broke up yesterday? Weird. I had thought of him while I was talking to Mo, but talked myself out of it, because I sense this guy (we will call him Mr. Miami) is somehow not a match. He called and told me he met a Delta Flight Attendant, I did a good job of being supportive and not jealous. It was nice, also, to get to reiterate that he had said to me (when I said I was developing a crush) that "thats okay because it doesnt mean anything (paraphrasing)" and that he stopped calling me after that, so it was his fault when I started up with Mo, not mine.
I feel not happy, but calm. I still want more quiet time to myself, but have another trip starting tomorrow, so it's back to the grind. I like being single. I don't want to have to owe anyone anything. I am too scattered. I am not at 100% yet. Oh, and I am briggidy broke. I mean broke. The dipshit who was supposed to be my rooommate bailed on me at the last minute, so now I am broke. Crapper