Monday, January 07, 2008

I want to talk about your Anus

This morning I approached the grocery store counter with two boxes of fiber one cereal, and two boxes of fiber one bars, digestive yogurt, 2 bottles of electrolyte infused water, and a 14 pack of toilet paper. Folks, I have to poo.

You might think this is too much information, but in fact, it is a public service message, and yes, you are welcome.

People, if you have to poo, DON'T PUSH! Do you hear me? DON'T PUSH! You can do a quick squeeze to start it out, but your intestines will push it out naturally, DON'T PUSH!! Why? Because straining will cause blood to flow into the area, and can burst a blood vessel in your anus. Do you know what it means to have a burst blood vessel in your anus? It means folks, you have a hemmroid.

Hemmroids are awful. They itch. Do you know how awful it is to have an itchy anus? If you don't know, I will tell sucks. And it really sucks to stick creams into your butt 3 times a day, it really sucks.

So healthy. If you get constipated, drink a lot of water, eat fiber one cereal, and DONT PUSH! When you feel a little rumble, grab a magazine, maybe a book, and sit on the pot and read, while your intestines do the work. And did I mention? Dont push.

Again, you're welcome

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