Thats me YALL!
Alright, I am not going to go so far as to say I "picked up" the HAWTEST guy in the WORLD, but I think I had his attention, HE SURE GOT MINE!!!
Flying with chemistry/hatred pilot really wore me down today. This morning I was tired and cranky, and he had said for the hundreth time how he hates my state and all the taxes and liberals and I snapped at him and told him "if you hate it so much why dont you do us all a favor and switch bases" I said it with the hatred and intensity of a divorced couple. We bickered in the van to the airport for 5 minutes, and finally I figured out he gets off on conflict, and was going out of his way to upset me (he even tried to hurt my feelings, indirectly suggesting that my career isnt taking me anywhere- purely mean.) I finally said, "you know, we dont need to have this discussion. All we need is to operate the plane safely" a professional statement, but after I had already called him a dumbass. Did I mention he is the captain, as in "Pilot in Command" ???
This EXTREMELY negative guy really brought me down. I did a great job of keeping my spirits up, but I am on my period, and I am only human, so my mood slipped a little. Emma is leaving for Bangladesh in 4 days so she had a party. I DID NOT want to go. My mood was sour, and I often feel like an outsider amongst her mostly lesbian friends from her college. I spent an hour or so at home, just trying to get in the mood, and I knew I would be cheered up by The Pickup Artist Wingman Auditions youtube video.
That was linked to other Pickup artist stuff, and then I watched some guy named "Meow" or something, who's system or whatever is very similar to Mystery, but a little less smarmy. I watched it for awhile, and could really see myself in it a bit. Thats how charasmatic I am, I sometimes already do things that are being TAUGHT on a tape. Of course I am joking in the way I say it, but really, I should take pride in the fact that I DO have good social skills, GREAT ones in fact, I just need to learn how to get into that mode where they come out.
Eventually I got my head in the game, and I got my mojo on. Inspired by the reminder that I CAN work a room, if I am just relaxed and confident, I threw some earrings on and was ready to rock.
I arrived at the party and was fortunately welcomed by a nice lesbian right away. Emma and my former roommate Shane was there too, and he's a shy guy, so I sat with him and chatted most of the night. While we were chatting HE walked in...*the clouds part, and the angel arrives* There is a lotion commercial where a woman falls into the arms of a Moroccan looking guy, curly long black hair and a large nose. UH! HE WAS SOOOOOOO HOT!
So being the pickup artist I am, I just acted like I didn't notice him at all. I just went about my business. When Shane left I went into the kitchen with Emma. We bonded, especially because she was a drunk arse. I tell you what, I loved it. She is often very reserved, so it was so fun to see her happy and outgoing. We all moved to the living room, and then I casually asked him "how do you know Emma?"
Apparently he looked lost at a bus stop, and she let him use her phone. They hit it off, and this is the second time she met him. Him and I vibed. I sounded smart and positive, we had a lot in common- or at least I could hold my own. He is a professor in music theory, and has a band with a marxist message!
He just seems like an ideal man. Passionate yet a fan of monogamy. Honestly, I cant think of ANYTHING in the conversation that turned me off about him. He is pretty much ideal.
At about 3:30 we the got in my car and I came up with the awesome idea to ask him if his band has a myspace. I told him I will find it and add him as a friend. This way I avoided any weirdness in the end, it was brought up and the subject changed to social networking sites. The best part of this is, I add his band as a friend, and then I leave it. I haven't really made a move, but I left it open for him to. If he doesn't, I haven't been rejected. GENIUS!!!
Once he left the car Emma said "you like him!" to which I responded "I LOOOOOOOOOOVE HIM SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!" God he is SOOOO FOINE!
So even if I am not a pickup artist, I had a great time talking to my friend and the hottest guy at the party (did I mention he stayed after everyone left, until it was just the 3 of us) it was good for my confidence, and I will need that because tomorrow is Juan's concert, and he gave me staff credentials!!! I might meet & hang out with the bands, in fact, I think that is probable!!! Woo hoo!
It's 5:16 AM by the way. I'm the shiz-nay-ahhht!
Showing posts with label Emma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emma. Show all posts
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Starting Fresh
A few days ago I was lamenting the fact that 2 of my single friends are leaving the city. Jennifer is going to grad school in Arizona, and Emma is taking a 10 month position in Bangladesh. I was sad and upset, but after today, I am okay with it.
I am sad about Emma leaving, but Jennifer I am glad about. I love her, I really do, but she drives me up the fucking wall. She is a dominant personality, and has some unhealthy thinking patterns that she is too stubborn to recognize, and far too defensive to have them pointed out.
Today she was complaining that her friend said her friend/lover Matthew is mean. Well, he is sortof mean. So she complained and complained about how wrong it was for her friend to judge her so, and I kept trying to point out that her intentions were probably good. (No, I did not mention that I also think Matthew is mean)
At one point Jennifer said "WHY DO YOU KEEP DEFENDING HER?" and I made a point to counter her as vigorously has she stated it, because she intimidates to get her point across. I let her know that sometimes she has a negative perspective on things, and that I was just making sure she could see that there may have been only concern, not malice and judgement coming from her friend.
I wont go into the conversation any deeper, but needless to say you cant win with Jennifer. Its her way or the highway. That is how I relate to her, I just let her have her way, because arguing with her is just so annoying. She wants her way, she gets it. It's not that rewarding a good percentage of the time.
Now that she will be going to Arizona I will have her in small bits, and only over the phone, so I can hang up when she starts getting impossible, which is often.
Another thing that at one point in my life would have stressed me out is my roommate (Jennifer's friend) is going to grad school too. All this time I thought her and I were fine, but it turns out that she had made comments about me to Jennifer. I am sure it was just venting, not talking smack, but its still annoying to hear about it third hand. Jennifers dumb way about relaying the message adds to the abnoxiousness of the whole thing, but who cares? Because she is leaving in a week.
I have to face the fact that I will be judged for my lifestyle, even if it is because of depression. In fact, the fact that I acknowledge the depression as the cause of the isolating and procrastinating probably makes people judge me more, because it's seen as an excuse, not simply a reason, or one of many challenges that I have faced, one, like many others, I will be successful at, but am yet to overcome.
But it is at the top of my list to deal with. Laying in my bed surfing the internet on a sunny day is not how I want to live my life. I am living the lifestyle that worked for me when I was depressed, but I am not depressed now, and I need to break these habits, or I will be depressed again.
What I am planning to do on my anti-social days is this, if I am going to be alone, I might as well be alone at the gym and the coffee shop. I hopefully will go to the gym, take a shower, and then look at gossip sites at the coffee shop. I have NO problem being a complete bum, who does nothing but lift weights and drink coffee, as long as I am a happy bum. Right now, I am not a happy bum.
The great news is, a new roomate doesnt ever need to know about my gossip in bed on a sunny day habit. He or she will only see what I present to them, so I can try to make my bum habits part of my past.
A fresh start is great. I feel lucky, not stressed
I am sad about Emma leaving, but Jennifer I am glad about. I love her, I really do, but she drives me up the fucking wall. She is a dominant personality, and has some unhealthy thinking patterns that she is too stubborn to recognize, and far too defensive to have them pointed out.
Today she was complaining that her friend said her friend/lover Matthew is mean. Well, he is sortof mean. So she complained and complained about how wrong it was for her friend to judge her so, and I kept trying to point out that her intentions were probably good. (No, I did not mention that I also think Matthew is mean)
At one point Jennifer said "WHY DO YOU KEEP DEFENDING HER?" and I made a point to counter her as vigorously has she stated it, because she intimidates to get her point across. I let her know that sometimes she has a negative perspective on things, and that I was just making sure she could see that there may have been only concern, not malice and judgement coming from her friend.
I wont go into the conversation any deeper, but needless to say you cant win with Jennifer. Its her way or the highway. That is how I relate to her, I just let her have her way, because arguing with her is just so annoying. She wants her way, she gets it. It's not that rewarding a good percentage of the time.
Now that she will be going to Arizona I will have her in small bits, and only over the phone, so I can hang up when she starts getting impossible, which is often.
Another thing that at one point in my life would have stressed me out is my roommate (Jennifer's friend) is going to grad school too. All this time I thought her and I were fine, but it turns out that she had made comments about me to Jennifer. I am sure it was just venting, not talking smack, but its still annoying to hear about it third hand. Jennifers dumb way about relaying the message adds to the abnoxiousness of the whole thing, but who cares? Because she is leaving in a week.
I have to face the fact that I will be judged for my lifestyle, even if it is because of depression. In fact, the fact that I acknowledge the depression as the cause of the isolating and procrastinating probably makes people judge me more, because it's seen as an excuse, not simply a reason, or one of many challenges that I have faced, one, like many others, I will be successful at, but am yet to overcome.
But it is at the top of my list to deal with. Laying in my bed surfing the internet on a sunny day is not how I want to live my life. I am living the lifestyle that worked for me when I was depressed, but I am not depressed now, and I need to break these habits, or I will be depressed again.
What I am planning to do on my anti-social days is this, if I am going to be alone, I might as well be alone at the gym and the coffee shop. I hopefully will go to the gym, take a shower, and then look at gossip sites at the coffee shop. I have NO problem being a complete bum, who does nothing but lift weights and drink coffee, as long as I am a happy bum. Right now, I am not a happy bum.
The great news is, a new roomate doesnt ever need to know about my gossip in bed on a sunny day habit. He or she will only see what I present to them, so I can try to make my bum habits part of my past.
A fresh start is great. I feel lucky, not stressed
Thursday, March 03, 2005
pro-anorexia
Can anyone fill me in a little on Blog ettiquette?
When someone posts a comment what should you do if you appreciate it? What should you do if you want to tell them what an asshole they are and what you think of their mother? I couldnt't find anything on "blogger" Is there a webpage someone can lead me to?
Well as for now I want to say thanks to the people who commented. Is it also good ettiquette when you read a blog to comment?
I have gotten two little comments and they are going to keep me at it. Blogging felt cathartic the minute I began, just to write to "somebody" without having the accountability of writing it to someone you know who might say "what a loser" or "I am so worried about her." By the way... Its totally cool for you to say "what a loser" to me, because I don't know you...so shoot. But think of this, what if a 11 year old girl related to what I had to say, and you said "what a loser" and she read it. Now you are telling a sweet 11 year old girl she is a loser. I bet you feel bad about yourself now. But back to what I was saying...it feels good to write this stuff anyway, but to have people say nice things felt great...thanks!
This brings up a memory. About 3 years ago I was a creative city girl in a conservative small-town college. VERY lonely, and very isolated. I spent alot of time looking at "pro-anorexia" websites/blogs. I related so much to these sick young people, and it felt good to see I wasn't alone in my nightmare. But these sights were such a celebration of being sick, and they helped me fall deeper into illness. I would love to offer one person that feeling of comfortable, anonymous camraderie, but to be able to show the joys of HEALTH, not suggest that illness is a bottomless pit that doesn't end. It would feel so good to know (or imagine) that my pain could help guide someone into a doctor's office, or help them see that depression doesn't last forever. BTW, I hope that "spider" only relates to my messy, messy room and bone-head boyfriends, not to all of this mental-health sturm und drang, but one way or another, thanks alot for your nice comment! If you ever publish your blog publicly I would love to see it :)
It is again time for my beloved roommate to arrive. I want to get the dishes done so she wont be upset that I am home sick. I would hate to live with me right now...to be more lethargic than usual is saying alot! I have decided to psuedo-name my roommate "Emma." it just seems appropriate.
When someone posts a comment what should you do if you appreciate it? What should you do if you want to tell them what an asshole they are and what you think of their mother? I couldnt't find anything on "blogger" Is there a webpage someone can lead me to?
Well as for now I want to say thanks to the people who commented. Is it also good ettiquette when you read a blog to comment?
I have gotten two little comments and they are going to keep me at it. Blogging felt cathartic the minute I began, just to write to "somebody" without having the accountability of writing it to someone you know who might say "what a loser" or "I am so worried about her." By the way... Its totally cool for you to say "what a loser" to me, because I don't know you...so shoot. But think of this, what if a 11 year old girl related to what I had to say, and you said "what a loser" and she read it. Now you are telling a sweet 11 year old girl she is a loser. I bet you feel bad about yourself now. But back to what I was saying...it feels good to write this stuff anyway, but to have people say nice things felt great...thanks!
This brings up a memory. About 3 years ago I was a creative city girl in a conservative small-town college. VERY lonely, and very isolated. I spent alot of time looking at "pro-anorexia" websites/blogs. I related so much to these sick young people, and it felt good to see I wasn't alone in my nightmare. But these sights were such a celebration of being sick, and they helped me fall deeper into illness. I would love to offer one person that feeling of comfortable, anonymous camraderie, but to be able to show the joys of HEALTH, not suggest that illness is a bottomless pit that doesn't end. It would feel so good to know (or imagine) that my pain could help guide someone into a doctor's office, or help them see that depression doesn't last forever. BTW, I hope that "spider" only relates to my messy, messy room and bone-head boyfriends, not to all of this mental-health sturm und drang, but one way or another, thanks alot for your nice comment! If you ever publish your blog publicly I would love to see it :)
It is again time for my beloved roommate to arrive. I want to get the dishes done so she wont be upset that I am home sick. I would hate to live with me right now...to be more lethargic than usual is saying alot! I have decided to psuedo-name my roommate "Emma." it just seems appropriate.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Baseline
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH
I am sitting at home AGAIN
With plenty to get done AGAIN
I am not feeling totally paralyzed, but I just had a cup of coffee.
How did I get on here in the first place? Snooping around, trying to see if I could find an ex pre-boyfriend's blog. Hoping to find something in there like "I really regret not listening to her, I should have respected her space, I am respecting her space now, and my life has been touched by her, and I will never treat another person like that again" I didn't find anything like that. Hmmm. I did however find the picture of his old/current flame that he basically BEGGED me to look for.
I miss the idea of him. Someone who sees all of my best qualities and is aware of my negative qualites but accepts the whole package. I also enjoyed the idea of his high sex drive, however I didn't know a high sex drive meant leg-humping and being completely ignored when I say "I am not turned on any more, please finish."
I will say this much, having him around DID improve my mood a bit. It taught me to look forward to life because what are some of the funnest things in life? Love and Sex. I suppose I forgot. I stopped being picky enough. I also LOVED dying my hair. FUCK YOU all of you men who love red-heads, go find someone else, I am brunette!
I have a trip tomorrow. Today is my official "anxiety day" and I haven't even acknowledged that I have to start getting ready. My room is LITERALLY a mountian of clothes. I really have improved quite a bit, but I keep slipping. I know I can get control of my room but 5 day trips, 2 classes a week, and me being even a tiny bit of a good friend leaves so little left over. I can't wait to start therapy. My therapist could write a book about me. I have so much work to do on myself, but I am excited because I know alot of what is wrong. I can fix those things that i know about, and while I am sure new things will emerge, I can at least see some structure going on in there.
I can't help but feel great when I compare myself now to how I was 10 years ago. It was as if I was floating. Therapy seems sort of silly while you are doing it. Well, not silly, just too simple. You have the pleasure of talking about things of importance to you and having a kind ear listen, but all the while you are re-framing the way you think! Fixing what is mis-arranged. I have been helped by therapy so much in the past, and at that point I was such a stressed out kid I have no clue how anything got through, today I am so (relatively) with it, and tough. I just can't wait. And I can say this much...all of these men this year have not been completely a waste. I have learned ALOT and I know that I need to keep looking, and at the same time, only keep those who treat me well enough. Sorry Batman.
I must stop myself before my roommate comes home. If I were her I would move to Timbuktu also. I am such a messy, messy girl.
I am sitting at home AGAIN
With plenty to get done AGAIN
I am not feeling totally paralyzed, but I just had a cup of coffee.
How did I get on here in the first place? Snooping around, trying to see if I could find an ex pre-boyfriend's blog. Hoping to find something in there like "I really regret not listening to her, I should have respected her space, I am respecting her space now, and my life has been touched by her, and I will never treat another person like that again" I didn't find anything like that. Hmmm. I did however find the picture of his old/current flame that he basically BEGGED me to look for.
I miss the idea of him. Someone who sees all of my best qualities and is aware of my negative qualites but accepts the whole package. I also enjoyed the idea of his high sex drive, however I didn't know a high sex drive meant leg-humping and being completely ignored when I say "I am not turned on any more, please finish."
I will say this much, having him around DID improve my mood a bit. It taught me to look forward to life because what are some of the funnest things in life? Love and Sex. I suppose I forgot. I stopped being picky enough. I also LOVED dying my hair. FUCK YOU all of you men who love red-heads, go find someone else, I am brunette!
I have a trip tomorrow. Today is my official "anxiety day" and I haven't even acknowledged that I have to start getting ready. My room is LITERALLY a mountian of clothes. I really have improved quite a bit, but I keep slipping. I know I can get control of my room but 5 day trips, 2 classes a week, and me being even a tiny bit of a good friend leaves so little left over. I can't wait to start therapy. My therapist could write a book about me. I have so much work to do on myself, but I am excited because I know alot of what is wrong. I can fix those things that i know about, and while I am sure new things will emerge, I can at least see some structure going on in there.
I can't help but feel great when I compare myself now to how I was 10 years ago. It was as if I was floating. Therapy seems sort of silly while you are doing it. Well, not silly, just too simple. You have the pleasure of talking about things of importance to you and having a kind ear listen, but all the while you are re-framing the way you think! Fixing what is mis-arranged. I have been helped by therapy so much in the past, and at that point I was such a stressed out kid I have no clue how anything got through, today I am so (relatively) with it, and tough. I just can't wait. And I can say this much...all of these men this year have not been completely a waste. I have learned ALOT and I know that I need to keep looking, and at the same time, only keep those who treat me well enough. Sorry Batman.
I must stop myself before my roommate comes home. If I were her I would move to Timbuktu also. I am such a messy, messy girl.
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