Sunday, November 02, 2008

I'd rather clean my room then sleep

I can't decide if it is a blessing or a curse that I have neighbors with a child downstairs. I feel this strong desire NOT to go to sleep, and I am in that awesome, motivated mood that can produce miracles of productivity, too bad it's 1:32 in the morning, and productivity like that can earn me an enemy in my sleeping downstairs neighbors.

My sleeping schedule is all out of whack, because of a fun, but very drinky week. I flew with a very cute Tobey Maguire-lookalike captain, and a beautiful, and surprisingly awesome 24 year old first officer. Nights 1 & 2 of the trip both had long layovers, where we went to a smoky dive bar BOTH NIGHTS, then on night 3 we had very short layover, and yesterday was day 4, and halloween, which involved beer, and another late night.

I don't even know how late I slept today to be honest, but it must have been late, because I didn't have too much of a hangover. I had to finish the vital task of filling out a background check for Linda, and I delivered it to the post office to try to assuage my guilt for taking so long to fill it out. I stopped at a few stores and came home a few hours later. It wasn't until Saturday Night Live came on that I finally started to get some cleaning done. What I did between those times is anybody's guess. What DID I do????

I am fortunate that I can sleep in as long as I want tomorrow, and it wont interfere with my schedule, but I need to get myself back to a normal-person wake up time (or at least closer to 10 than to 1PM!!!!) The depression that popped up last week seems to have gone away with my period, but I can see the consequences of not keeping my body healthy, and I really, REALLY don't want to let myself slide back into a depression! It has been "gone" a long time, but not long enough for me to be confident that I won't end up glued to by bed, with unbrushed teeth and unwashed hair, feeling no motivation to live, or feel any hope that tomorrow might be better. To try to put into words what depression feels like is difficult for me. It has been so long that I can't remember the torture, and honestly, I have no desire to think about the memories enough to do a good job. If I want to remember how it feels, I guess I can just read from the first few years of my blog. This week long, minor depression, is a good reminder that I have to take care of my health, so I dont have to remember it personally.

Writing this post (or maybe the time passing to write this post) has helped me feel sleepy. I feel proud of what I have gotten done today, even if it wasn't much. The background check is sent, the rent is paid, the sunblocking window shades have been sewn to be used on the outside of my car. I rearranged some of the plants in my fishtank & poured out some old water. I bought some fancy co-op shampoo & chatted with a friend, and got some of my room cleaned. When I write it all down I have gotten more done than some days off I have, so I should recognize that point instead of wishing I had done more. Tomorrow I can hope to match todays productivity, and hope for a little more.

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