Sunday, December 14, 2008

Chatted to Jackass Toronto guy

Yeah. A few weeks ago I sent him an email saying he will never get a girl without ulterior motives if he doesnt act like something besides a jackass (paraphrasing) I decided I was sick of his fucking with my mind, and I was done. Of course I knew I wasn't done. But I did know I wasn't going to contact him again. The ball was in his court, and I have given him enough chances. He needed to contact me. Period.

He did. And better, we actually chatted. I suppose we used to chat back in the day, but I got so sick of him hanging up without saying he was leaving, that I removed windows messenger from my computer 100%

I cant remember what happened next- oh yeah. He put my name in a song. I hate to be cliche, but it softened me up.

Fast forward, he finally acted 10% normal and had a conversation with me, saying he wanted more than just to sleep with me. I was willing to go for it, as in try to get to know him better- but he would barely give me the time of day. I realize he was finishing his album, but I am a patient person, he blew it. I decided to send him a letter, to maybe help him with future girls, and to kind of write it in stone for myself that I was fed up. You know? Like to draw an end line.

But again, I knew it wasn't an end line yet. I felt it coming, but some dumb thing in me wasn't done with it just yet. I actually was doing well, not even thinking of him, but then an update on the album showed up on facebook, and I swear to bob, I LOVE his music (myspace was how we "met") and I do want to buy the album, even if he never knows or if we never speak.

And yes, I was sending psychic messages to him to write me. Ha ha. But yeah, he finally did. And finally acted "normal" (in quotes for a reason) and now I feel like I am in fucking love.

You know what...I am going for it. I can tell it might be a mistake, but I feel something. I think I operate on logic a little too much in the relationship game. I find a flaw, and I say "I couldnt marry him." I think I need a boyfriend, not a fiance. It's a dangerous game to let yourself fall for someone who may not last the whole nine yards, but I am doing something wrong in my life, so I think I need to try new things.

More updates as they come.


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