It's probably the sixth or seventh evening I have spent with Charles, and while the sex has gotten progressively better each time, this time was very good! The biggest part is thanks to a birth control I have found so I am not freaking out every second worrying about the condom breaking. I relaxed, and it was nice.
I feel so hopeful. I was afraid that every thing was there except that crucial chemistry. I felt warm fuzzies when I would think of him but not butterflies. I was very concerned that I wouldn't be able to muster up enthusiasm forever for being with him. Turns out, I just need to RELAX. And I am going to be patient with myself. OF COURSE I am going to have a hard time relaxing with him. He has long term potential. He has love potential. Thats freaky. No need to push myself any faster than I can naturally go.
mood: glowy, a little anxious