Friday, April 22, 2011

I want to increase my Lexapro again

...There is nothing stopping me. I could do it, my Rx remains the same. I just should do it at the same time as seeing a therapist.

I am still torn up about what that guy said to me 2 days ago. Who cares if a guy finds you unattractive? It's not a big deal, it's just one guy, but it has stuck in my craw. Maybe it has tapped into something, a fear of mine of "dying alone." (he commented on only wanting women who are at an age that can have children) Maybe it is because I was pretty sure that we HAD chemistry, seriously...if I was mistaken by that then it makes me question my instincts. Maybe it is because he did it without my even expressing any certain interest, after HE asked me to a movie. Maybe it's because I got up at 3AM, 3 days in a row.

Right now, I am actually feeling like it was a blessing. A real blessing. I need to see how attractive I am NOT as a way to choose my potential mates. If a sorta fat guy likes me, I should go for it, if I think I could tolerate him. And I should get over my desire to not date right now, because it might be the price I need to pay to get married, ever. Ugh.