Sunday, December 19, 2010

One of a few situations that make me/prove that I am totally fucked up (and afraid to date)

HIM May 23, 2009 at 5:07pm
It says you are single,it doesn't say your the sexist thing since hot pink underpants

Me May 24, 2009 at 2:08am
It just says I am single so I can pick up guys on facebook more easily

Him May 24, 2009 at 11:10am Report
So you are cheating on me;), well I'm back in az. How was the party? Fun I hope. I'd like to know more about you now that I'm far enough away that my physical attraction to you well not take over. I'll start off with what are u doing this summer?

Me May 24, 2009 at 2:34pm
Ok buddy. You are perfectly welcome to shower me with attention and praise and all, but I really dont want this to go anywhere, so if we "get to know eachother" let it be with that understanding that its just as friends. I don't like hurting peoples feelings, and I have been led on in the past, so I don't want to be the person who does that.

Hope your flight was nice

Him May 25, 2009 at 4:15am
Wow, harsh words, I really just wanted to know what you were up to this summer but I can see how it might of sounded like I wanted to make plans. I was just trying to break the ice.

Him May 25, 2009 at 4:19am
Ps, was the sex that bad?

Me May 25, 2009 at 9:35am
Not harsh at all, maybe you know your intentions, but you came on really strong, so I could only use the information you gave me.

Him June 14, 2009 at 3:00am
How the fuck did it come to this? .

Him June 14, 2009 at 3:09am
Okay, it is mostly my fault, but still, I can't be that uninteresting. .

Me June 14, 2009 at 5:46pm
Hi there.

I don't know if you are interesting or not. I really didn't get to know anything about you, at all really. Chock it up to drinking, I think. We both drank too much. You were pushy and not paying attention to my non-verbal (and verbal) cues that I wasn't interested. I was a drunk wuss, if you wouldn't take the subtle hints I should have spoken up louder. All I know is I just went with it because it was easier than hurting your feelings/putting a damper on the night.

This time I know I am being harsh, but I mean it in a constructive way. If you had pulled back when I sent cues I wasnt into it (read:turning away when you try to kiss me, and when you did, saying "I dont feel any magic") maybe we could have had a conversation and maybe I would have found you interesting, and became interested. Instead I felt annoyed, and in the light of day, I realize, cheated, you called me "pretty" about a million times, and said nothing else, really. It felt like the only effort you could put into it was saying you were interested, not really giving me any reason, or even caring, for me to be interested.

Hey, we all act like idiots when we are drunk, I am sure you are different sober. I am giving you this info so you can use that night as a lesson to help with the next girl. Definately drink less, and follow the cues the girl sends you, if she pushes away, back up and wait until she shows interest, then slowly try to build it. I have learned to drink less and speak louder about how I feel.

Sorry about being harsh for real this time, but I believe in treating people the way I want to be treated, and so I think honesty is nicer and more useful than calling you a dick and letting you use the same technique on the next person.

Never wrote back

[Extra information: When other people in the group were leaving, I told my friend I was ready for him to leave too. I needed her support. He wasn't getting the message. She said "He's nice" I felt so alone. I felt like no one was listening. And no one was. I joke in private with my friend that I am a slut, in her eyes I have no standards. She must have expressed it to him somehow I was a "sure thing" which I almost am. If I feel turned on, why not? But I wasn't turned on. I could have been interested, had he behaved remotely interesting, but he wasn't, he just kept trying to kiss me. So finally I let him come home with me and let him have sex with me. I basically raped myself. I pushed myself to have sex that I didn't want to have. I just got so tired of protesting. No one was listening. No one cared that I wasn't interested.]

1 comment:

Rob said...

Leave your comment
I rarely respond to comments, but I always read them. Thanks!

Ha ha, me neither ... or some time later ... like 3 or 4 years. You are frank, and that is how ppl should be. You may come across as "slutty" to your friend, but you're right ... why not? Unfortunately ppl only hear what they want to, and ignore all the rest. Be you, and let nature take care of the rest, whatever THAT may be.,, Blog on!