Saturday, October 16, 2010

"It gets better" or "Unpeeling the layers of the onion"

Wonderful things have happened this month. My trip to Europe flipped a switch in me. I ate like a European for two weeks. When I say "Eat like a European" I mean eating small portions of real and high quality food, while seated, and purchasing food fresh, every few days, not buying two weeks of high-preservative groceries at a time. And walking or using public transportation, not driving everywhere.

I have. I have given up fast food almost entirely, and now am living off of stir fries (steam in the bag veggies + sauce and usually a protein like meat or tofu) and when I eat out, I am trying to choose healthier foods, not just low fat McDonalds grilled chicken sandwiches that have chicken flavoring added to make it taste more "Chickeny."

I also *Gasp!* have cut down on coffee dramatically. The fluid that was the one thing keeping me from suicide is now showing itself as the thing that may be holding me back from many of my goals.

I still have been drinking coffee, in a 75% decaf blend, but when I am drinking it, or tea, I am using agave syrup instead of Splenda. I have read that agave syrup might not be healthy either, but I am just not willing to give up sweetners all together* (and when I tried having sugar, not artificial sweeteners, I gained weight.)

Well, the cutting down of coffee has cut down my anxiety, and I am sure the years of therapy plus the power of leaving your environment helps, but I am getting rid of all the things I have held onto for over a decade. It helps a lot to watch the show "Hoarders" while sorting. It puts in perspective that what seemed like innocent habits can become serious problems, and the fact that I don't have company over- perhaps a contributor to depression, shows it already is a problem.

It's amazing, and heartening that as I get healthier, layers of dysfunctional behaviors show themselves, and I am strong enough to address them. Don't feel overwhelmed if you read this and feel anxious from the thought of letting go of any of these things. Sometimes your depression is bad enough that your priority is getting to work and showering. Go for it (though if you can try to keep your coffee intake from escalating, I think it's a good idea)

As we are hearing so much lately--- "It gets better!"

*I like stevia in tea, but it isn't good in coffee, in my opinion.

1 comment:

Dreamchaser said...

That's awesome! I remember reading your blog ages ago and it always uplifted me! Glad to see you are doing well!