I just visited my favorite blogs for the first time in months. I feel right now like I used to feel when I wrote on here. My inside is tapped. Lately in my life I have been operating on a surface level. Since roomie is nearly always home I am continuously in "public" mode, the mode where I am focused on expressing myself verbally & responding to the environment, so I don't ever get a chance to "zone out." I can't even relax in front of the TV, because she will start talking to me, forcing me to interact.
I have been sitting here for at least 10 minutes writing and deleting, just trying to put into words what it is that I am needing but am not getting often enough. I wouldn't say I succeeded, the message is still trapped in my head, I havent found the english to explain it. But in a way I just said it. That is the process that I love. I love having abstract ideas, and going through the process of understanding it, and then recording it on my blog. With Tera here I can't get the focus I need. I am really excited to be getting the power cord for my laptop so I can start writing in my bedroom. And I am excited to be feeling the blogging bug again. I have made a point to post now and then, but lately it has just been a recording of events, not an exploration of thoughts and ideas. I am excited that I might get that, and perhaps myself, back.