NOooooooo! I cant stop myself

I need to leave on-------------SCRATCH THAT!

Oh, I was freaking out so much! I thought I would have no days to finish cleaning up for my new roommate, but I just discovered I have monday off, PHEW!

I want to take a nap so bad, (I was up until 3 central time for the THIRD night in a row!!!) But I thought this was my last day to clean, which freaked me out. But now I realize I have monday left, and interestingly, now that the pressure is off, I don't feel as tired :)

I am nervous. Tomorrow I am supposed to start a 5K running clinic, then go to a training at work, then go on my date with Mike! Thats ALOT in one day. I am thinking of cancelling the running clinic, but on the other hand, I think it might GIVE me energy, so I may keep that in.

I went to Target today and made a great realization. I have to wear XXL shirts & dresses, which makes me feel like shit. I am fat, but I didn't think I was too fat to shop in normal stores. Well I just discovered today, that in skirts I am a size 12! Maybe that is a vanity size, but it makes me feel much better. I need the XXL shirts because of my redonkulous rack, not because I have expaned that much over the years. All that has changed much throughout the years is I have discovered that I am an XXL in shirts. I used to wear L or XL, and I popped out of them like a sausage.

I did buy a skirt (XL, but too big- there was no L) and got my brows and bikini waxed. I have made a decision to stop getting brazillians as often, and I especially will always keep the hair in the front. I think having hair on there is like a new political statement. It says "I am NOT a member of this new MTV generation" I am a member of the "Puck" MTV generation. I am a member of the Martha Quinn MTV generation. I am a member of the Remote Control MTV generation. I am NOT a member of the Tila Tequila MTV generation. My generation had hair on our mons pubis damn it! LONG LIVE PUBES!!!!

So now that the pressure is off (to clean, not to wax off my pubic hair,) I no longer feel like I am going to pass out. I swear I am mildly narcoleptic. I get SO TIRED when I am stressed, like a little infant after being overstimulated. So maybe I will play online a little longer, then try on outfits for our date :) I cant wait.

(BTW, my waxer says the restaurant is not exceptionally fancy/expensive, but its still fancy to me :) )

The Dangers Of Splenda/Sucralose

It is very possible and very likely that splenda isn't healthy, especially in large quantities. Of course it isn't because I love it, and it tastes yummy and helps me keep my weight down (maybe)

Well I was researching online to see if I can use Propel to help keep myself hydrated when using Alli, and I found some page full of horror stories about the evil Splenda.

What I found really annoying about this page is it completely missed the point. People were having terrible reactions to it, but all that proves is they have an intolerance or allergy to it. Many people are allergic to shellfish, or intolerant to Gluten, does this mean we should make Cheerios illegal? Or take away the FDA approval of selling oysters??? Of course not.

Testimonials can create an emotional reaction, but they are proof of nothing. The only thing we should believe is clinical trials with double blind studies (especially longterm ones) And these studies should be done, or at least replicated by unbiased scientists, not ones paid by the manufacturer (or the sugar lobby for that matter)

I know I am taking a risk, eating this chemical with little long term research done on it. Maybe I should ban all artificial sweetners from my body for a month and see if I feel different.

But still, lady with an allergic reaction to it, I am sorry you got sick, but your flimsy "proof" of Splenda's danger only weakens the case against it.

Skipping Class

I have a bad cold, I knew it was coming for a long time, but it took over yeaterday, and I have slept for the last 2 days. I am supposed to go to a running clinic tonight but I am skipping. I have a headache and the idea of running sounds bad, even though what I read online suggested it might help.

I am going to take a shower now, maybe the heat will steam up my sinuses and help.

Colds suck. Should I go to work tomorrow? I don't know

I like streaking

20 minutes walking a day. Every day. No days off.

I want to get a streak going.

Yes, in normal circumstances, taking rests is healthy, but I am just talking a walk, not a run, or anything else hard core. And If I want to do yoga or stretching or weights instead of walking, thats fine, but it has to be every day.

I feel like I can do this, and a streak gets me motivated, because you just want to build on it.

Yay!!

The Camera adds 10 pounds

Juan just e-mailed me a cute ad he made of me as a bauch and lomb model. It's very cute, but he put it next to a real model (I am sure it made sense to him why he did it, it look like he spent some time on it)

All I can think of is how fat I am.

It's really disappointing. I don't look that fat in the mirror. I have a photographer/graphic artist using photoshop and all those tricks, and I still look fat.

I think it would have been better if he hadn't put the pic of the real model next to mine.

How ungrateful of me (at least he e-mailed it to me, instead of showing it to me in person, where he would see my disappointment.)

UPDATE: AAAH, I get it, he made it look like it was a magazine that had been opened, one page with a model on it, the other page with my "ad" on it. It's so sweet. I will be gracious- in the morning when I'm done pouting

My friends say I should "get over that"

I told Carrie and Jane about my feelings when I saw the pictures from the wedding. They were surprised to hear I thought I looked bad. Jane said her husband mentioned how much weight I had lost, and she thought that me in my brown swimsuit was the most svelte she had ever seen me. Both Jane and Carrie said I should "get over that." I trust these women. I imagine they are probably right.

I just found a dating site for liberals. Maybe thats what I need to do. I think I need to just accept myself. I am thinking I should get back to about 187, (I am weighing in at 192 right now, after a weekend of eating like crazy.) After I get to 187 I should just work on maintaining it for awhile, and just focus on getting enough veggies, moderate fat, and getting some excercise, for health, not weight loss.

I am in a stage of rebellion right now. I am just so sick of eating perfectly. (I have been very careful for about a year now) I just want to be "bad"- and I am going overboard. I started tonight, I had a lean cuisine entree with a large side of broccoli.

My "90210 friends"

As I had posted about earlier, twice I had hung out with some trendy people. This was because of Kelsey, a bombshell who used to work at my airline. As I had written before, things felt a little false, and hanging out with them reminded me of how grateful I am to have true friends, but I still enjoyed being accepted by the scariest of scary groups- the trendy people.

Well at the last event I was telling the story of how my last two single friends left town, so I was so grateful to be going out. A girl named Jenn said we should hang out, and I was excited but tried to be cool about it, and we exchanged numbers.

So here's how I dealt with it...I suggested going out one night, she had a friend from "Cali" in town, and I just felt like I would be a third wheel. I found a way to back out when she said her friend would be coming in late, and said lets do it another time. Then I suggested happy hour this week, and we had plans, but she just texted me saying she has a headache- can we reschedule. I wrote back and said I have weekends off so text me when a day works for you. So I am officially off the hook. If she was sincere about wanting to hang out she can contact me, if she doesn't want to hang out, then I know for sure, without doing anything.

And where has Kelsey disappeared to? She sent me a text message saying "Sara and I were wondering if you know where to get the morning after pill?" I texted back "any pharmacy" and never heard from her again. I sent her a text inviting her to hang out with Jenn and I both times, and never heard a word. Then, I texted her asking the name of one of the guys we were with, and she never texted back.

In the long run, I am not missing out on a good friend in Kelsey, I was never under that illusion once I got to know her. It's so much better to be blown off impersonally than to have it happen in front of other people. I am very disappointed to lose the outlet of getting to see how the trendy people live, but her positive influence in my life has already taken hold, and with a vengeance. Being around her, and other people who take being beautiful very seriously, somehow made me feel okay about it. Do I feel it is important? No, it is only important in the way it makes you feel about yourself.

Ever since then I have been changing my life around- cleaning and shopping (within my means) a lot. Until being knocked down by Ashram last night, I have not felt down in the dumps for ages. And best of all, even after being "accepted" by the "in crowd" (or as Jane titled them- my "90210 friends") I knew who I really am, and who my true friends are- and those trendy people were NOT IT. I wouldn't say I was mocking them in my head, (maybe to my friends a little) but I was analyzing their choices, and feeling proud of mine. Well- except the choice of them going to the gym every day while I lay on my bed eating.

I feel bad about myself right now

Ashram makes me feel bad about myself. I feel very anxious and upset right now, more than I have felt in a long time. I need to deep breathe and make this anxiety go away.

I was supposed to meet up with Ashram today or tomorrow, and so I was talking on the phone to him about it. I told him I forgot that we were getting together, so I ate dinner already. He asked what I ate and I told him I made a spaghetti sauce with lots of vegetables. He said "oh you are taking care of yourself now. You used to eat meat and tacos and now you are eating vegetables" Well first of all, I love vegetables, always have. And back when I hung out with him I was taking much better care of my health than I am now.

This isn't the first time he has made me feel bad. He seems to do it a lot. I guess I just let him back into my life because I didn't really care that much about him (probably because he makes me feel bad) and I just sort of kept him around because he was someone to kiss, and to distract me from missing Charles.

After he said that I said "Geez, you really know how to make a girl feel bad about herself" and he was obviously sorry, but the damage is done (and if it was the first time he hurt my feelings it would be forgiveable) After that he did not want me to get off the phone with him until I wasn't mad anymore, and so of course I just got more and more mad. I hung up on him, and then he called back and hung up on me. Now I have my phone turned off. I am not a person who hangs up on people, by the way.

I am dealing a little better now, but I guess me saying I don't care what he thinks is untrue. I care enough that I am very hurt. VERY hurt. The other time he did this I had pressed him to say he thinks I am pretty. Not because I am a person who needs to hear it, but because I knew he didn't, and I needed to confront him. He not only couldn't say he thinks I am pretty, he said "that shouldn't matter."

I know I am not ugly. I think I am fat, but many people think I am attractive, so there is no reason for me to kiss someone who doesnt. In fact, I think he thinks I am attractive, he just isnt willing to give me the power of complimenting me. He wants me to be insecure so I will think I have less options, and therefore want him more. If this sounds familiar to anyone, you are dealing with a future abuser.

I feel better, but less happy than I was feeling. I will send him an e-mail saying "I dont want to hang out anymore" and be done with him. Why an e-mail? I dont want any phone messages from him, and I want him to know exactly why I don't want to be friends, so he has the ability to change it if he wants to for the next person.

What a jerk!

Who is that fat girl?

I just saw pictures of Linda's wedding.

I'm fat. Very, very, fat.

Tomorrow is it. No more funny business. Back to weight watchers, back to working out.

My Computer, and I, are back to life

I have so much to write, and on my newly repaired computer I could write for hours, but there is so much to say, too much, so I will just start from today.

I am just happy in my life. Very happy. No boyfriend, no big deal (though some sex would be REAL nice! Oh my god I miss it, and it's been a LONG time!) But minus the sex, just about everything is great.

I have gained back the 6 pounds I had lost, my room is still messy, but thats just things I will have to deal with I guess.

I just have energy (too much really!) so even though I am not everything I want to be, its no big deal, I have the energy to work towards it, I feel like I am moving forward.

I have been shopping (ALOT!) which is a GREAT sign. I have been checked for Bipolar disorder, and know that I don't have it, so this shopping I have been doing is a sign of health. I have been buying things for myself, meaning I find myself worthy of nice things. But, in spite of the amount of shopping I have been doing, I have practiced amazing restraint! See, my grandpa has decided to give me my mother's inheritance, and so he sends out money every year to shrink it down. Well he just sent out a check. (FYI, this contentment came BEFORE the check- cool huh?) I put most of the money to pay off my car (I only owe $2000 now!) paid off my credit card, and decided to allow myself $500 to buy clothes. I have been wearing mostly goodwill clothes for the past 5+ years so I have decided to upgrade my wardrobe to Target (hey big spender!)

Buying clothes for myself has been so fun. I have gotten very basic things, very simple style, with little trends mixed in to feel current. I have bought some very sexy heels, for wearing out, but I don't know how much more I will be going out, because I haven't heard from Kelsey in awhile. We'll see. Anyway, it feels so good to buy things, and to trust myself that I will not go overboard in spending, even when I have the money.

Really its like I'm becoming the old Diana again. And folks, I am talking REALLY old, like high school/early college Diana, one none of you ever knew. This Diana is bubbly, charasmatic, & sexy. Think Kelly Clarkson on her auditions for American Idol, or Heather Graham, maybe a little Drew Barrymore (who someone compared me to on the plane this week) I miss that Diana, and frankly, I thought she was gone forever, I thought the world killed her, and a sadder, more jaded Diana had taken over for good. Apparantly not.

Thing is too...this is big...I don't think I am going to get seriously depressed again soon. I really think that therapy made a BIG difference. I have not feared depression for months, and I used to fear it every time I was tired or crabby. Now I just say "Im tired" or "I feel crabby right now"

This isn't a very descriptive post, it's just where I am in my life right now. I had to break the seal and post something, because otherwise the pressure would get too big, and I wouldn't post anything.

Anyway- I am wishing you heath, and happiness. If you are feeling depressed right now, look at how healthy I am (happy- not manic) and know that I am just like you, and you will be happy again too. Just believe, be patient, and take care of yourself as best you can.

MWAH- love you

A chance to reinvent myself (or more accurately, be more myself)

I can't put it into words how good it feels to have been accepted last night by Kelsey and her friends. Here's what it feels like...I genuinely liked the people I hung out with, and they seemed to like me, and it was ME they liked. I was able to be totally myself. I talked about the libertarian scale that determines where you are politically, and globalism, and I wasn't looked at like a weirdo, nor were they pretentious and looking down on me for my giggles or drop-out credentials.

And, as a shallow bonus, They were all very good looking. I don't CARE that they are good looking, but having such great looking people accept me in their group felt like I was...I don't know why I liked it...I guess it made me feel good looking by-proxy. I also liked it because it makes me feel like I should be better looking. I should step up my game a little, because when you are attractive, it makes dating much more fun, because you can just accept that someone likes you, and have the confidence to flirt and be outgoing (you should see Kelsey in action, she knows her power- and she enjoys wielding it)

Last night two furloughed flight attendants were there, and after we went dancing (according to one of the guys, I was getting attention from my dancing) they wanted to hang out with me again! So I now have a chance to start building up my social life, and not with people I don't like, with people who like to dance, & who dont look at me weird when I talk about politics.

Here is my chance to be the true me. I want to be a person who works on campaigns, does volunteer work, is genuinely friendly, and likes to dance and flirt. I have been so shy about the last part, because I am insecure (& judgemental about trendy people.) But here's my chance to be brave enough to be my true self, and to challenge myself to be my best, like I did when I was in college.

And this Adam Levine look alike. Him and I had a flirtation going on! He was Hottie McHotness! My gut told me he wasn't trustworthy, but his 2 friends were, turns out they all have girlfriends but are looking for something better. Dicks. But it sure was fun flirting and dancing with all of them. I had the greatest time.

I cant WIN!!!

So, if I eat too little, I get insommnia. I GET IT!

Damn it! All I want to do is lose a little fucking weight! So what am I doing? Eating less. GEEZ! Yet I am still somehow failing. Why does it have to be so FUCKING HARD!?!

So if I have food with me all the time I will eat it, but if I dont have it around I will be hungry. Eating all the time is a lot of work, especially if you are trying to be healthy. 3 meals a day seems like enough work for me, this whole "5 small meals to keep your metabolism high" sounds IM-FUCKING-POSSIBLE!

And yes, I need to excercise more, but need I remind myself that when I was taking walks my spine went all fucking wacko on me (BTW, it has improved- now that I have stopped walking!)

Im just ANGRY. Probably because I am hungry, LOL. This is just really difficult. I have gained 3-4 pounds and I really see it, so it's important that I take this weight off, but I just cant stand how much work it is. I am doing so well too, thats what pisses me off the most. With all of my good choices I am making, I wish I would see more results. I suppose I can count weight watchers points again, but OH LORD that sounds like even more work (but I suppose it beats sleepless nights)

A Beautiful Day

I cant put into words how georgeous it is outside, it's just amazing. My battery ran out so I had to come inside (I am at a coffee shop) but there are worse problems to have. I have a 3 hour break between flights, so I took a bus to the coffee shop as a way to get away from the airport, and I am really enjoying myself.

The eating only a little caught up with me, just as I knew it would. For the last two days I was too lazy to leave the hotel room for food, so yesterday I didn't eat until 3PM, and the day before probably 2PM. Both nights I ended up unable to resist the nut mix on the aircraft, the 500 calorie nut mix. Last night I ate a package of pringles too. Not eating in the morning backfired, I ate more calories, and from less healthy sources, at the end of the day. So hopefully today I learned my lesson. I had a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter, I am a little hungry right now (11AM) but not ravenous. I plan to have a healthy lunch and hopefully I can get back on track.

I am really addicted to being thinner. It feels so amazing to look in the mirror and like what you see. The night before yesterday I caught a view of myself from behind in mirrored beveled doors on the closet. I have some backfat that hangs over itself, but under that is a waist beginning to show itself. I have some love handles still, and a paunch on my stomach that I would like to shrink enough that it no longer creates a smile shape, but besides those things, I am pretty pleased with how I look. I don't mind cellulite or big thighs, I would like my butt to be a little higher, but I consider a big lower half to be womanly. My arms are chubby, but are proportional, and my boobs, while showing their age, are a manageable size, even with the milk in them.

One thing I don't like when I look in the mirror is my face has turned to pizza all of a sudden. Last week I bought a "micro dermabrasion" kit, and the day after I used it, my face was covered in tiny bumps! At least it happened now, not a few days before Linda's wedding, but I am so sad to have my already flawed skin look like a 15 year old's. Oh well, I'll live.

What's on the inside matters more than whats on the outside, but I am very happy that my outside is changing. I can see right now that most of the men I would be interested in in my age group have already paired off, and the supply is dwindling. If I am going to get the type of man I want, I will need as much going for me as possible, and men are visual creatures. Also, the most important thing to be attractive is confidence, and I feel beautiful and sexy at about 170 pounds.

But my own beauty is nothing, compared to the beauty of mother nature, so I am going to end this here, and go outside.

I am losing weight like a motherfucker

I cant stand it! I have lost 10 pounds, I am so happy about that!

I just dont have that compulsive need to eat now, instead of REALLY wanting junk food, I am really NOT wanting junk food, because it has empty calories. I am also motivated to excercise, and the more weight I lose, the more confident I feel, which helps my social phobia.

Thing is, I really have to do this in a healthy way, and I think I am mostly, but I feel like there is a trap just waiting for me to fall into, and I have to be mindful, because the last thing I need is new problems.

It's 12:45PM, and all I have had to eat was a small bag of light popcorn and some coffee. It's not because of some unhealthy thinking, it's because I am in the hotel room feeling lazy. But thing is I have these stupid thoughts telling me "maybe you should just wait until dinner to eat again" because I could, but that will not benefit me in the long run. I may lose some weight by restricting my calories dramatically, but I will slow down my metabolism, and not be giving my body the nutrition it needs.

I am in such a great place for weight loss right now! If I give myself a healthy plan I can stick to it, and maybe lose a lot of weight. But if I get greedy, trying to cheat by not eating enough, I will ruin this excellent opportunity, and could cause new problems for myself.

Okay, okay, I will leave the hotel room and go get a chicken salad.

Roommate thoughts

One really positive thing- when I got home my roommate Raina was really nice. My feelings were REALLY hurt to hear she had said something about me keeping her awake, and not cashing checks on time, but now I assume that all along it was Jennifer, stirring shit up. She, and Raina's cousin Matthew are MEAN I tell you...MEAN!

And I am REALLY hopeful that Juan is gay. PLEASE JOSE be gay! I have a crush on him (and he is NOT a young or handsome guy) and I want to let my crush be free, not have to hold it back. If he is gay I can be his fag-hag OH PLEASE BE GAY!!!

One thing I need to do is be un-sexy, sister-like. I have a sometimes bad habit, sometimes good, of sending out signals. I think it has a lot to do with wanting attention, if I send out signals and get them back it boosts my ego. It is a terrible addiction.

Speaking of, I have lost over 10 pounds, and the difference is amazing. Men are SO NICE when you are pretty. Thats why men are dicks. But I still love having attractive scum of the earth be nice to me. I missed the attention SO MUCH! When you are overweight you are INVISIBLE, INVISIBLE I tell you. I love being visible. LOOK AT ME BOYS! I WILL DEVOUR YOU YOU FUCKS! ;)

Not really. I want love and babies. My man-eater days are over. I just want the confidence to like who I am and to be the person I want to be

Eat Diana

I just realized I tried to skip dinner tonight. That is simply not okay.

I feel like it's fine. The hunger just feels like a warmth in my stomach, it almost feels like a REMINDER that I am losing weight...but this isn't acceptable behavior. Losing weight is good, but losing weight in an unhealhty way is unacceptable.

Its okay to have that hunger if I have eaten 1,500 calories today, and have gotten enough protien and vegetables, but all I have had is oatmeal, coffee, a turkey sandwich and a banana. No one but a sick person would think that is an acceptable amount of food to eat in one day.

I have a salad in the fridge, I am going to eat that now.

Did you know eating disorders are the most fatal mental illness? I'm not saying that I would develop one, but my behaviors have not been healthy, and are not conducive to permanent weight loss, or mental health.

Horray! I'm overweight!

I put my weight and height into a BMI scale and learned that I am no longer obese, I am only overweight! HOORAY!

Close to tears

Right now I am watching Shaq's Big Challenge. It is a show where Shaquille O'neal is trying to help 6 morbidly obese kids lose weight.

I love these weight loss shows, they are so inspiring, but this show is being extremely dramatic. They are melodramatically drilling it in how dangerous this weight is, and I have known this, but when seeing it when dealing with kids, it is choking me up.

One thing that is choking me up is my Aunt and Uncle are obese, and are raising obese kids. Bringing it up to them would be rediculous. My aunt is as anxious as me, and she has to work nearly every day to pay all the bills. Pressuring her would never help, and so her kids are just going to grow up fat, which is worse than becoming fat as an adult, because those are habits that last a lifetime.

And lets also be honest, it is making me think of myself. I am really sedentary, and it has to stop. I am working on it but I need to improve my habits because it's just going to be harder as I age. I guess this show is coming around at the right time, when I am getting back on the Weight Watcher's wagon.

That is why childhood obesity is through the roof. Kids dont have gym or recess anymore, and out of fear of predators they no longer are sent outside to play, instead they play video games. The parents are working so much that they are not able to cook healthy meals for their kids, so they are getting them McDonalds.

Okay, the show is getting a little degrading, I can't decide if it's fair or not, unquestionably what they are talking about is important. I want to see the next episode right now

Cheer me on!

Guess what?

Last night I took my Weight Watchers paperwork out and put it on my vanity. Today I have started tracking my points again, and I am about to go back to the gym after months and months.

I want control of my life. I want to live a different life. I am so lucky to live in a country with the sanitation, safety and opportunities that I am offered, so I need to kick this depression and live the life I would have had if my mom hadn't died.

I am psyched! Especially to imagine that the weight might come off easier now that I will be off Risperdal. It is exciting to imagine! Oh! And I learned that I am at the same weight as when I stopped Weight Watchers. I did get down to 184 when I was working out a little more (this is around the Alan time) but now I am back up to 187. Not bad! I feel so optimistic!

Wish me luck! (again)

I feel afraid

One side effect of risperdal is weight gain. I have dealt with that. A weirder side effect of risperdal is lactating breasts, I freaked out a little, and then dealt with that. But a very scary side effect is called Tardive Diskinesia, which is an involuntary twitching of some muscles, which is caused by the use of antipsychotic medications (this may be where the "twitch" stereotype of mentally ill people comes from.)

I have had a twitching muscle here or there since starting risperdal, but we all get a fluttery muscle now and then. However, in the last month or so my cheek did twitch a little, and a teeny teeny muscle in my lip was twitching too. This was enough that I thougt I ought to call my psychiatrist about, but today my thumb started twitching involuntarily, at like 1 PM- its almost 10 and its still doing it. I looked up TD online today and got really scared. This could be really happening to me. I need to get off of risperdal.

Oh risperdal, sweet risperdal, it has given me my life back. I am such a nearly normal person with risperdal. I have been looking at going back to school, been excited about reading a lot of books, and have started a relationship with a very handsome man. And now I am going to lose this medication that has helped me so much. I feel so sad to have to go back to feeling like I did.

I called my psychiatrist and waited for what felt like ages for him to call back. But he did and I told him my situation. He said I should come in and see him. I mentioned that I want to get off of risperdal no matter what, because I am too afraid of TD, mixed with all the other side effects. He sounded not supportive, but delighted. He made it sound like me wanting to get off of the risperdal was a great leap in my progress. I suppose if your psychiatrist thinks its "wonderful" that you want to stop taking a medication, then it must be an okay thing to do.

I am so scared. I don't want to go back to having a record player in my head saying the same things OVER and OVER, stupid things about the house not being clean enough, me not being married, me not having a degree, and people not liking me. I dont want to hear that anymore! I want to relax and read books! I want to go for leisurely walks. I want to spend time with friends without thinking about getting home and cleaning the house!

This year and a half has tought me what it feels like to be healthy. Maybe I can recognize when my thoughts arent healthy now, and learn to ignore them, I sure hope so. And there is a lot to be excited about, like losing weight, having better memory, and maybe being more emotional. Oh, and getting more of my sex drive back, without the milky boobs.

I assume I will want to write again soon.