The Female Pickup Artist

Thats me YALL!

Alright, I am not going to go so far as to say I "picked up" the HAWTEST guy in the WORLD, but I think I had his attention, HE SURE GOT MINE!!!

Flying with chemistry/hatred pilot really wore me down today. This morning I was tired and cranky, and he had said for the hundreth time how he hates my state and all the taxes and liberals and I snapped at him and told him "if you hate it so much why dont you do us all a favor and switch bases" I said it with the hatred and intensity of a divorced couple. We bickered in the van to the airport for 5 minutes, and finally I figured out he gets off on conflict, and was going out of his way to upset me (he even tried to hurt my feelings, indirectly suggesting that my career isnt taking me anywhere- purely mean.) I finally said, "you know, we dont need to have this discussion. All we need is to operate the plane safely" a professional statement, but after I had already called him a dumbass. Did I mention he is the captain, as in "Pilot in Command" ???

This EXTREMELY negative guy really brought me down. I did a great job of keeping my spirits up, but I am on my period, and I am only human, so my mood slipped a little. Emma is leaving for Bangladesh in 4 days so she had a party. I DID NOT want to go. My mood was sour, and I often feel like an outsider amongst her mostly lesbian friends from her college. I spent an hour or so at home, just trying to get in the mood, and I knew I would be cheered up by The Pickup Artist Wingman Auditions youtube video.

That was linked to other Pickup artist stuff, and then I watched some guy named "Meow" or something, who's system or whatever is very similar to Mystery, but a little less smarmy. I watched it for awhile, and could really see myself in it a bit. Thats how charasmatic I am, I sometimes already do things that are being TAUGHT on a tape. Of course I am joking in the way I say it, but really, I should take pride in the fact that I DO have good social skills, GREAT ones in fact, I just need to learn how to get into that mode where they come out.

Eventually I got my head in the game, and I got my mojo on. Inspired by the reminder that I CAN work a room, if I am just relaxed and confident, I threw some earrings on and was ready to rock.

I arrived at the party and was fortunately welcomed by a nice lesbian right away. Emma and my former roommate Shane was there too, and he's a shy guy, so I sat with him and chatted most of the night. While we were chatting HE walked in...*the clouds part, and the angel arrives* There is a lotion commercial where a woman falls into the arms of a Moroccan looking guy, curly long black hair and a large nose. UH! HE WAS SOOOOOOO HOT!

So being the pickup artist I am, I just acted like I didn't notice him at all. I just went about my business. When Shane left I went into the kitchen with Emma. We bonded, especially because she was a drunk arse. I tell you what, I loved it. She is often very reserved, so it was so fun to see her happy and outgoing. We all moved to the living room, and then I casually asked him "how do you know Emma?"

Apparently he looked lost at a bus stop, and she let him use her phone. They hit it off, and this is the second time she met him. Him and I vibed. I sounded smart and positive, we had a lot in common- or at least I could hold my own. He is a professor in music theory, and has a band with a marxist message!

He just seems like an ideal man. Passionate yet a fan of monogamy. Honestly, I cant think of ANYTHING in the conversation that turned me off about him. He is pretty much ideal.

At about 3:30 we the got in my car and I came up with the awesome idea to ask him if his band has a myspace. I told him I will find it and add him as a friend. This way I avoided any weirdness in the end, it was brought up and the subject changed to social networking sites. The best part of this is, I add his band as a friend, and then I leave it. I haven't really made a move, but I left it open for him to. If he doesn't, I haven't been rejected. GENIUS!!!

Once he left the car Emma said "you like him!" to which I responded "I LOOOOOOOOOOVE HIM SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!" God he is SOOOO FOINE!

So even if I am not a pickup artist, I had a great time talking to my friend and the hottest guy at the party (did I mention he stayed after everyone left, until it was just the 3 of us) it was good for my confidence, and I will need that because tomorrow is Juan's concert, and he gave me staff credentials!!! I might meet & hang out with the bands, in fact, I think that is probable!!! Woo hoo!

It's 5:16 AM by the way. I'm the shiz-nay-ahhht!

My "90210 friends"

As I had posted about earlier, twice I had hung out with some trendy people. This was because of Kelsey, a bombshell who used to work at my airline. As I had written before, things felt a little false, and hanging out with them reminded me of how grateful I am to have true friends, but I still enjoyed being accepted by the scariest of scary groups- the trendy people.

Well at the last event I was telling the story of how my last two single friends left town, so I was so grateful to be going out. A girl named Jenn said we should hang out, and I was excited but tried to be cool about it, and we exchanged numbers.

So here's how I dealt with it...I suggested going out one night, she had a friend from "Cali" in town, and I just felt like I would be a third wheel. I found a way to back out when she said her friend would be coming in late, and said lets do it another time. Then I suggested happy hour this week, and we had plans, but she just texted me saying she has a headache- can we reschedule. I wrote back and said I have weekends off so text me when a day works for you. So I am officially off the hook. If she was sincere about wanting to hang out she can contact me, if she doesn't want to hang out, then I know for sure, without doing anything.

And where has Kelsey disappeared to? She sent me a text message saying "Sara and I were wondering if you know where to get the morning after pill?" I texted back "any pharmacy" and never heard from her again. I sent her a text inviting her to hang out with Jenn and I both times, and never heard a word. Then, I texted her asking the name of one of the guys we were with, and she never texted back.

In the long run, I am not missing out on a good friend in Kelsey, I was never under that illusion once I got to know her. It's so much better to be blown off impersonally than to have it happen in front of other people. I am very disappointed to lose the outlet of getting to see how the trendy people live, but her positive influence in my life has already taken hold, and with a vengeance. Being around her, and other people who take being beautiful very seriously, somehow made me feel okay about it. Do I feel it is important? No, it is only important in the way it makes you feel about yourself.

Ever since then I have been changing my life around- cleaning and shopping (within my means) a lot. Until being knocked down by Ashram last night, I have not felt down in the dumps for ages. And best of all, even after being "accepted" by the "in crowd" (or as Jane titled them- my "90210 friends") I knew who I really am, and who my true friends are- and those trendy people were NOT IT. I wouldn't say I was mocking them in my head, (maybe to my friends a little) but I was analyzing their choices, and feeling proud of mine. Well- except the choice of them going to the gym every day while I lay on my bed eating.

Happy BirthdayDay

Today I went to 2 birthday parties. The first one was Linda's. I was planning to get up at 8, shave my legs and put self tanner on, but instead I woke up at 10, when linda planned to call me. (and when I was planning to be ready BTW)

It all worked out (for me anyway,) her tire popped, and she needed to get it repaired, & by the time I was up and ready and on the way, she said she was moving the party to her house, when I arrived I was able to help her clean, and get some last minute supplies.

One thing I noticed was how crabby Linda was. I knew how she was feeling, and I could see she wasn't able to calm herself down/cheer herself up. I was thinking about how I am usually able (lately anyway) to talk myself down and shift out of a tense, snippy mood like that. She did calm down, but it really made me reflect on my perception of myself as a "disordered" person. A lot of times I would think something was wrong with me because I would be so tense, and I wasn't able to see that everyone gets tense, everyone gets crabby, & everyone gets down in the dumps, no one is always happy and always perfect.

I can also see that a lot of what was wrong with me was not my biology, but my thinking patterns & resulting behaviors. I have been off of Risperdal for awhile, and frankly I am just fine without it. I am having some challenges, and I havent read a book since stopping, but most of the changes I can handle. I also enjoy that I am more enthusiastic and energetic. I was reflecting on the fact that I was in AFRICA, and wondering if I would have appreciated it more without Risperdal. I am also, of course, happy about the weight loss.

After Linda's party I went to TGIFridays to see Mary Anne, a former flight attendant from my airline. I was so proud of how not nervous I was, and I loved being out. One of Mary Anne's nieces really took a liking to me. She kept coming and talking to me and at the end of the night she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. That kiss lingered on my cheek for a long time. At the party was a pregnant pilot, a pilot that just had a baby, and other family members with children were there. It has gotten easier, but that huge hug and kiss on the cheek just warmed my heart like I couldn't believe. Something that was also a little shocking to me was the girls little sister asked me if I was married, and I said no, and she asked me if I wanted to be. And at the end of the night the girl who really liked me said I should get married and have kids. (out of the blue) It totally came out of nowhere, could they see the domesticity written on my forehead? I dont know, but I just loved those kids.

Also, I was proud of a conversation I had with my little friend. Mary Anne said "her name is the name of a goddess" and the little girl asked what a goddess was. I said "well many people tell stories to explain the way the world works, and the greeks said that gods and goddesses lived on a mountain and controlled things." The little girl said "thats bad, right?" and I said "some people think it's bad" and she asked "do you think it's bad?" and I said "not really." It was perfect. It wasn't preachy, but it was honest and descriptive. I wanted to pat myself on the back for that one.

I ate too much today but I had fun. I am really pleased with how far I have come in my social anxiety. I used to have social phobia, and I could say that that is probably cured. I still get anxious, but I get better and better every day. Some people even compliment me on how outgoing I am. I am very proud.

What a nice day.

Just an ordinary week

This week I...

Spent the night in a condo in Ashville, hiked, and ate meatballs with the parents of my captian.

Took a manila folder out of the garbage discarded by a famous poet, now own a rough draft of a poem, probably written by him, maybe never published, as well as other writings (I will never sell it)

Met a SECOND Buddhist monk.

Contemplated seriously getting back with Charles. Still contemplating it.

Made a BIG DECISION (will fill you in once it's complete)

Visited with an aunt and cousin.

Woke up at 3:20AM my time

Observed myself chatting comfortably in the homes of 2 upper middle class families.

Registered for a 10K walk/run

Cant remember what else, I have been awake 21 hours

bye :)

My annoying pesrsonality quirk

I am grateful for therapy, because some of the rejection I recieve in my life is a response to my behavior. I got to discuss my roommate Jennifer with my therapist, and one thing I have learned about myself is I come on way to strong!

I see myself doing that with my new roommate Raina already. I am offering to help too much, it comes from the right place, but I am too much in her business. If she wants my help she will ask for it.

So I am going to back of and leave her be. It's what I prefer to do anyway. It's like I feel obliged to be all in her face, I don't want to do it, and she doesn't want it either. Weird. You learn new things all the time.