It's been a little irritating to notice that I'm not REALLY eating that much since I have stopped counting my weight watchers points. I mean I am putting vinagrette dressing on my salads instead of lemon juice. I am having cheese on my turkey sandwiches with no mayo, and I am eating cookies at the hotels when they have them, but so are the in-shape pilots. But still I am 192 pounds. I was down to 184 only a month or two ago, this just has to be Risperdal related. Thats what happened when I started dating Charles, one day I was 190, the next I was 200 it seemed.
I just took a break from writing this post and googled "Lactating Risperdal" again. I think the lactating is coming from the risperdal mixed with the vaccines.
I am starting to worry about this risperdal. No one knows the long term effects, and if it is raising my prolactin and making me temporarily infertile, how do I know it wouldn't make me permanently infertile? And this weight gain seems unbelieveably unfair.
But what about the flipside. I am, for the first time in my life...at peace. My brain moves at the speed everyone else's does. I think I am now "Chemically Balanced" problem is I am balancing these chemicals at the expense of other chemicals.
Right now I want to go off of Risperdal. I want to be thinner, I wan't my boobs to be dry, and I want my libido back. But if I did go off it, would these be reasonable trade offs?
I am VERY SICK AND TIRED of this whole mental illness thing. I am so healthy right now I just want to deny it's existance altogether. But look at me now, I had 2 days without medication, and I am feeling the effects still 2 days later, even though I am taking them again.
I will talk to the GP in about 3 days. Until then my boobs will be swollen with milk, I have no desire to masturbate, and I have a fat ass. (I have had a lower appetite lately though :) )
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