a WASTE!

I just wasted an hour of my life that would have been much better used, watching TV, masturbating, or eating junkfood.

The ishape food journal is awesome, but I wasn't seeing enough results to keep me motivated to record every morsal of food I ate. I thought that perhaps the answer would be for me to focus on the excercise part and then add the food in afterward.

I went to the gym, which I have visited once in the months I have been a member for an orientation. I know how to set up my own workout, but I figured having someone plan out for me the excercises, reps and weights could make getting back to the gym more of a no-brainer.

I used to be deep into working out. I subscribed to muscle and fitness, took supplements and did an hour of weights a day, and that was a split routine. I used to work at a YMCA. I was on cross country and danceline. I studied pre-physical therapy for over a year.

For the first 5 minutes the trainer explained to me that "Aerobic" means "with oxygen." I politely let her know that I have most of the basic knowledge so she can skim over that part. Well that didn't happen. I spent the most boring hour of my life learning that SURPRISE! I should do cardio 3-5 times a week and resistance training 2-3 times a week. WELL THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! It's not her fault, there is no way that she could fucking know (besides the fact I told her I suppose) that this stuff is completely elementary to me, but the result of it was not what I wanted (to be motivated to start working out agian) but instead the opposite, I felt demoralized. Having someone explain arithmatic to you for an hour feels a little like they are insulting you. I left the place nearly in tears.

If you are boiling over with anger, and in a gym, what is the most common sense thing to do? Well workout of course. I didn't. I talked to the front desk to see if I could add my roommate to my membership, maybe that would make the gym fun again, but of course it would have to be all complicated.

So now I have the choice...start going or cancel. Even if it is inexpensive I am wasting my fucking money if I don't go. What I need to do first is change my mood about the place, because right now I feel insulted, which is, I'm sure, unfair.

I haven't eaten much today and I have spent 5 hours at various stores so I am probably a little worn out.

Can I recover from this? Will that place ever feel like a refuge for me? Maybe I should just re-join the gym I used to work for. UH!

mood: aggravated. Pissed that I have to eat (too much work) pissed off (BTW, this appointment ended an hour ago)

UPDATE: Eating helped