Spicy Hot Chocolate

I talked with Juan this evening, and I have learned that when talking to him, it goes on forever. I made some amazing chili, and made it without salt or making it spicy, because then we can add spice and salt to taste. I said "Because nothing is worse than making a recipe too spicy" he seemed surprised by this statement, and asked why, I said, "Because you cant taste any other flavors." He then, as expected, went into a long, passionate description of chilis and how they are incorperated into Mexican, and many latin american cultures.

During this conversation he described how spice fills your mouth, I cant even remember the words that he used, but they were very descriptive and poetic. It made me crave some chocolate ice cream with cayenne pepper that a shop down the street makes. As the conversation continued, I couldn't stand it any longer, and I made some hot chocolate with cayenne pepper (and a secret ingredient, but I'm not telling) It was SOOOOO delicious! So good! I would love so much to be a housewife, to spend my days cooking chili and hot cocoa sounds like heaven (I know you stay at home parents are rolling your eyes at how easy I am making the job sound.)

Juan said something that moved me. He had mentioned a (female) roommate had lost a lot of weight, and I had incorporated that into the conversation later, saying "well if she looks like that of course you'll let her keep her bike there." He said that he doesn't see young women "like women." He said he has daughters in their early 20s, so that idea makes him uncomfortable.

How rare! It seems that older men are rarely brave enough to date women their age, probably because younger women make them feel more important, both because of the status of it, and because being younger, she is likely less accomplished. But Juan, a man accomplished enough that he COULD have younger women (I confess, I am drawn to him a bit) isn't comfortable with that.

I think the only way I could be luckier is if he was gay. To have a man in my life who sees me platonically, even if it's women he likes, is good for me I think, because I see men as such letches. I also have the insecurity that I think I have to attractive to be liked, it's good for me to see an alternative way of communicating with a man- and to see myself through a man's eyes, and not have it be sexual. (Ha ha, he also said that Latinos think white people are pretty, but not sexy, so I have 2 strikes against me, ha ha)

I got a little annoyed with him last week, because he hadn't set up the bed in his room (which was fine with me) but he wasn't using the sheets when sleeping on the couch. He was crashing without even using a pillow. I laid out some sheets, and the next day he put them away (which looked very nice) but then crashed again without the sheets. I said something to him about it, I hope it was light, the way I said it, and the next day he had his bed set up, tidyed the living room, and washed my dishes. It is evident that he cares, and so I was happy that I could make the chili and cocoa for him, and have another nice conversation, to show him that I also care.