I said I wanted energy, but...

It's nearly 3 AM and I am up doing the booty dance.

Hmmmm.

You know I have talked to professionals about me possibly being bipolar, and every time they said I wasnt. Tell you what though, I feel manic right now, and I LOVE it! Well thats a lie, I dont love that I am awake, but I love that I feel so creative, that I have energy and enthusiasm, I miss that part of me, I just assumed that I was getting old and out of shape.

Want to hear something awful, but at the same time lovely? There is a pilot who is from Iowa, his name is craig, and I am so in love with him. He was nice to me when I started here, even though I was depressed and desheviled, and now, I have my mojo back, and I have caught him looking at me like a million times this trip. He also said this weird thing (that I loved) where I was talking about working with children and he said he would bet I would have a lot of "grace" with them. He said he noticed that about me. Weird, but WOO HOO!

Thing is, he is married, and again, an absolute boy-scout. I love him to death, and want him for myself, but I keep smiling at him when I catch him looking at me, which is bad. Maybe it's not bad actually, maybe it seems like "Hi friend, I see you too!" Even though in my head I am thinking "I cant believe HE is looking at me like that!" And dont think he is a bad guy, looking at another woman even though he is married. I think he is such a good guy that he doesnt know how to be sneaky about it.

Okay. Now I have told you that I am awake at an unreasonable hour. I need to try again, because I am in BOSTON and tomorrow we are going to see the sights. (PS, thank god Kareem (remember him?) isn't working tonight.) I would have TOTALLY invited him up for sex tonight. I would have said, "do you want to come up and watch a movie after your shift?" without missing a beat.

I need to find some ways to avoid sex out of relationships too, if I am horny that is harder to resist than pringles or cookies! I would love to have more flings, but you know you can catch stuff from giving oral sex without a condom, and I dont want to use a condom for that. I just need to settle down. Good thing I am marrying super hottie pilot who wished me happy v day today :)

Yeah, I am hyper and loco in la cabeza right now.