Loser

At my last two weight watchers meetings I have gained weight. It wasn't that what i was doing wasn't working, it was because I wasn't trying. I have eaten a tub of ice cream in two days, half a pan of banana bread in one day, and twice I have eaten nachos in Detroit.

I think I have begun to get back into the swing of things, I am tracking my points again (even though I am 40 points over for the week) and I am starting to make better food choices. I will not get down on myself that I am not back in the program 100%, because forgiving myself regularly is what helped me lose the 16 pounds.

I came up with an idea on the airplane when looking at a picture of a girl in a tank top. Tank tops were really in this summer, and I was thinking about how nice it would be to have some time to prepare for a figure baring trend like tank tops. I thought about it and realized what a blessing winter is going to be! It is seven months to be wrapped in a more flattering cocoon, and then in summer, I can remove the coverings to show I have developed into a toned-armed butterfly!

I have decided that my goal is to get to 170 by my birthday, May 24. 170 is a few pounds over the Weight Watchers lifetime member weight (the weight in which you can go to meetings for free.) If I want to reach this weight by my birthday, I will have to lose .8 lbs a week, that is a reasonable goal, but hard enough that I will have to work for it.

Another goal I have is to lose a noticeable amount of weight before Charles gets back from Kenya. I am not sure why I want to lose that, since he doesn't necessarily think thinner is sexier. Maybe I want to turn heads so people will think “He has a pretty girlfriend.” Maybe I want to be really confident and really free to be myself. I KNOW I am with the man I would choose, even if I had more to choose from, maybe this is the way to prove it to myself. Most likely is, I am with a man who loves me. He doesn't want me to change myself, he loves me just the way I am. Now I feel free enough that I can be just as sexy as it is possible for me to be, and I will know he doesn't just love me because of the way I look. I hope he will like how I look as I lose weight, but even if he doesn't I know he will still love me.

One thing that I think will really help my weight is Tera is coming tomorrow! She is coming to get her stuff AND to bring me a check! I am SOOOOO happy to not have to do a lawsuit, and I know this awful stress being gone will help me get my focus back and cut down on my anxiety eating.

OH MY GOD I AM SO HAPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I just know it, I'm going to be a loser.