Emma has been a true asshole to me. Unbelievably. I have spent the last few days just shaking my head at how snotty and judgmental she has been, not to mention unpleasant, and that I put up with it, I should have called her on so much, instead I dealt with it, "for peace".
This last week, now that she is leaving, we have both been very nice. Not kiss-ass fake nice but real nice. She even smiled at me this morning (it threw me off!) We just weren't meant to be. I am glad she is moving, but today, seeing that most of her stuff is gone, I have seen that there are things I will miss.
Could I do things differently so she wouldn't move? Probably not, I didn't even suggest it. She had a negative image of me that did not match reality, and over time I just conceded that no matter what I do she wont perceive me any differently, so I just quit caring. When I knew something bothered her that didn't bother me, I couldn't muster the energy to change it. I had things that were so much more important to me to change, so if there was no reward (i.e. a roommate who emotes) then emotionally I could feel no point of going through the difficult process of changing a habit that didn't bother me (BTW the habit is not drying off enough in the shower-there were other minor things too, but nothing that she wasn't almost as bad about)
Now that she is leaving I can actually like her. 3 days ago I was sure we would never speak again, now I am open to it (assuming that she can muster up more than one word answers to my "obvious trying to start a conversation" questions)
I think the core of all of it is this- I have loud energy, she has quiet energy. My big energy overwhelmed her, she was a bitch in order to punish me for it, I was a bitch in order to punish her for punishing me. Lather, rinse, repeat.
And now I get to live with my clone, which means I will live with another loud energy person. This will be different, different challenges & different rewards. Tera and I went to Ikea yesterday after she seemed very not at home at the thrift store. She was gushing over everything, at Ikea, very enthused about home improvement ideas. She wore Chanel sunglasses. Emma was wrong to judge me for wanting nice things? Emma was wrong to poo-poo home improvement plans that would require nothing of her? Now I have my chance to practice what I preach.
mood: Happy (for myself, and Emma)
75 comments:
Love the new look; and the post - sounds positive.
PS.. Thank for leaving me a question, it's about time : )
Your blog looks very nice now. Oh room mate who are so picky drive one mad. Sharing calls for tolerance.
Thanks for the compliments on my design! "D-Eskimo" created my 2 favorite blog designs, and I promised myself that I would get her to design mine when I had a little more money. One day I was looking at her site and there was a sale advertised! It was like devine intervention! I plan to eventually have her design 2 more for me and then alternate to match my mood, tee hee.
Good luck with changing things up; I think change is a positive thing at any rate, and I certainly hope you will be happier for it.
Hey Chippolata
As if you can't tell, I've been a little busy. Hope things are well.
Holy Satanic telepathy batman...
I turned my computer on about exactly 10 minutes ago.
I'm glad your busy, I like that whole you-keeping-your-job thing. :)
Whats a chippolata?
Ha! It's a little italian 'very tasty' sausage.
Yeah, I'm trying to raise my level of enthusiasm towards work. I've decided to cut it back to 4 days a week and work longer hours on the days I do work. Gives me time to write and it's been kind of nice being here by myself at night and getting stuck into it (as long as there's no repeat of that freaky shit from the other night).
Hope I haven't missed you again. : )
I've missed you again : (
You didn't miss me, but now I am wondering if I missed you. Or if a ghost got you.
I am going to watch the rest of the new John Waters movie, I will keep an eye on the computer in case you need a break from ghostbusting.
Oh Hugh! you are such trouble!
It's alright I stepped on his neck.
How's the movie going?? A dirty shame??
Thanks, hes a bad wabbit.
I love the movie, I love alot of his movies :)
I've not seen it... Maybe I should. I hear he's currently in production on Hairspray. Musical? Oh dear...
There already is a Hairspray musical here. It was a big deal on Broadway.
As for the movie, It's not as good as pecker, which is one of my all time favorite movies, but it's better than other ones of his that I have seen, It revolves around a prophecy involving sex addicts and yet the feeling I get watching it is "aww, sweet"
Uh-huh, I think that's why he's doing it as a film... according to imdb he wrote it in 1988 but has only just gotten approval to make it.
I've not seen a lot of his films, but I think you've convinced me to see pecker - sweet? you're odd : )
If you haven't seen pecker I dont even know you. You MUST see pecker, its so wonderful. This one, (a dirty shame) is the one about the sex addict prophecy. Pecker is about a Photographer.
So he's re-doing it? Hairspray?
You don't know me? : (
I'll see it, I'll see it.
(Bloody people always wanting things, can't even leave me alone over lunch)
Sure, due for release in 2007.
I'm just shocked that you hadn't seen it. i will be happy if you do, and so will you, its so good.
I live at the ass-end of the world; I'm not surprised I haven't seen it. But I will track it down.
Should I go?, I really would die if you got in trouble for this
You wouldn't die, Satan protects his own...
And no, it's my lunch break.
YAY! Well is the busy-ness at this job or with a project?
Someone just printed a 563 page document to the printer and they wonder why it fell over crying. Excuse: Oh, I thought it was a bit long so I cancelled it but it wouldn't let me.
Both actually, I'm starting think I may have a feature script that might be worth writing down.
Thats exciting! If its a Bollywood story about people who sell their limbs for love I better get a cut
LMAO... no, not a Bollywood. But you will get a cut from our film. Probably, just above the knee. I hear I can get $50 a pound.
I knew I was setting myself up by using the word "cut" *groan*
Ha ha!! Don't worry I'll use the funds to buy you a new Sari.
I am so excited to know that you are feeling creative...that inspires me too!
Or a new pair of shoes?
Well, it's just boiling around in the head at the moment... but I think it could be really good.
I have another project for a friend and a short film to complete before I can take it too seriously. But I think I want to take it seriously... which is good.
You'll be missing a leg. What do you want shoes for?
I'm really happy for you! I have faith in you Satan ;)
What just becuase I have one leg I don't deserve shoes? You are so predjudice! Why don't you just take my other leg and buy a photocopier that can print a document without dying
Arrrgggggghhh people!!!!! OK, I'm over it now.
Thanks for the faith, I can use every little bit I can get. I think the reason I was getting a little despondent with the job was because I'm naturally creative and my job isn't (the opposite in-fact). Going part time (but getting paid full time YAY!) may just be the impedious I need to re-spark my creativity. It seems to be working wo far.
No, you don't deserve shoes. You deserve some sort of high-tech hover board.
(WOW! Some of my work mates haven't been talking to me lately, I don't know why, but one just came in and made a joke). I feel so privilidged ; )
High tech hover board, thats sweeter than calling me a sausage :)
Thats the problem with day jobs, so much of energy goes into non-creative things. But then again, worrying that a check may bounce is hardly inspiring
Ever heard of a starving artist, It's not as bad as you think, just a little hungary. I don't use cheques anyway...
Your getting the silent treatment? Whad you do?
Yeah, I'm not really sure... They're people who I thought I was fairly close with as well. Which is a bit sad. But, yeah, every time I try and interact, as I always did, they just go silent and look at me as if I'm some kind of Turd. I really don't know... but it must have been very horrible of me!
Ouch! That stuff would break my heart! How long has this been going on?
I told one of the girls I thought she was a good character writer... maybe there's a secret language in which that translates to Hate me!
About two weeks now...
Can I try to dissect this all or would you prefer that I don't?
You can certainly try but I really don't know what I can tell you beyond this. It doesn't break my heart, only give me pause for reflection.
I'm glad it doesn't break your heart, it would just destroy me.
One thing I read is that the sudden silent treatment is a sign you may get laid off or fired. You made a joke about it, is it in your gut a possibility? But why the turd look though? A nervous look away look is more like it
Nah, I'm here as long as I want. Connections, you know : ) No not really, they're just not in a position to know that sort of info. I think the joke was more of a way of chiding myself about not doing the amount of work I should. Much the same way you get angry with yourself for not getting out of bed.
As I said, I'm really not sure... the sudden lack of friendliness is a bit of a mystery and the curt civility does hurt a little after us all being so at ease with each other. But Hey, I'm going part time and I've have projects that are far more fulfilling than people that act like that. But one is a good writer (who's only just realising it) and we worked really well together creatively, that's really really disappointing.
I figured it was a joke, I was just narrowing down the options. What about this writer, did you get into the touchy-feely flirtation you were telling me about before? Maybe was something misunderstood?
I am glad you have such a good head on your shoulders. High school politics are so unimportant.
FYI...I am not angry at myself for not getting out of bed. Not getting out of bed is one of my hobbies. ;)
Please don't feel like I was challenging or accusing you, just asking questions that might narrow it down.
Ever thought of just saying to someone "what exactly did I do? tell me so I can fix it"
Maybe, as with most arts projects there was alcohol involved and mutual support in trying to catch trains half-cut, but I don't think there was a Mis-unda-standing. We're both taken.
I've thought about it... but is it that important...
Which could be the misunderstanding. Your both taken yet you "hit on her" when actually you were just trying to flatter her or just flirting and messing around
Mind you, I have been fairly humourless lately. Sick and not very satisfied with my work. They may just think I'm an asshole for that reason. I have tried to brdige the gap though.
Nah, just mutual silly flirting. Nothing that wasn't reciprocated.
I do think its that important, if you did do something percieved as wrong you should have control of that perception. And the being an asshole could get such a reaction.
(sick and humorless :( waah! your feeling better now right? :) )
I said "misunderstanding" not "you hit on her for real"
I've had this crazy flu off & on for like three weeks now. Had another day off this week becuae of it. I think I'm slowly getting on top of it though... unless it's a tumour ; )
It's not a tou-mah!
I want to stop talking about the assholyness now. I wasn't saying "I think its this" I was asking questions to narrow stuff down
He he - guess what... I've got some work to do! *matra: Must do work, Must do work, Must do work*
If you leave the .au off my other email you'll be able to send to it. I'm a silly billy.
I know : ) No stress, I enjoyed talking to you about it chippolata.
*Hands satan a big bowl of hot chicken soup*
*looks at live chickens swimming in hot water* Awww, my favourite : )
Are you leaving for the weekend already? No Satan fix for another 3 days? I think I may die! it might be a tou-mah!
ROTFLMAO!
I made it just like you like it
No, no, Just doing some work in another part of the building. I'll be checking my (and probably your) blog over the weekend.
It's not a tumour!
No, no, Just doing some work in another part of the building. I'll be checking my (and probably your) blog over the weekend.
It's not a tumour!
It is a toumor, I have double vision!
Goodnight. Get plenty of rest :)
LMAO - very cute!
I have to fly. I hope you have a good sleep and enjoy your weekend too. I'm going to a party tommorrow night full of hard drinking polish people - Help!!! Not that I mind a drink but lately I haven't been able to without feeling a little sick.
Night
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