How could you David?

Meaningful dream last night.

In my dream there was some philosophy group or something, some group of intelligent people who gathered, I think it was a college organization, something that is open to everyone. It was about 8 people and I sat in on a meeting. One of the members of the group was David Cross, (a comedian who I have developed a crush on from watching Mr. Show and Arrested Development on many of my days off in May.) In the meeting I didn't say much, I felt shy. David Cross made some joke that I didn't get, and I quietly asked the person next to me what it meant.

Apparently I had dozed off, when I woke up I could see (ok- its a dream remember) that in front of each person's seat (not DC's-he was in the grass on a pillow under a tree) In front of each seat was engraved a line of poetry making fun of me. It implyed I was dumb and that they should ditch me, which they did. When I woke up everyone was gone.

They say if you are being chased in dreams you should turn around and confront what is chasing you. I did that once, and the next day I wasn't scared to go to my bus stop, where I had to pass a girl who said she would beat me up. Well I didn't know I was dreaming during the dream, but I did confront the group, I told them that they were behaving like idiots, like we were in Jr. High or something. And then I proudly shouted my clencher-"You aren't an organization- face it- your a CLIQUE!" (I was so proud)

This dream was totally about my crew these last two weeks. For the love of god the captain is in his thirties with a kid, but I feel like he is a snotty jock who is REALLY nice to my face, and then makes fun of me behind my back. In my dream, as in real life, I am annoyed, not devastated, which is an important thing to me. With my social phobia the bullying I recieved in elementary school and Jr. High was devestating. In fact, I am still operating in that mindset to this day, at times- what am I saying? usually- I think I am going to be attacked and mocked. But I didn't feel like shrinking these two weeks, I felt mad. I wish I got mad as a youth. I didn't. I am sad to say I believed the bullies. The dream was about my crew, and I stood up for myself.

I am glad to say it's over. I succeeded in blowing off the Detroit man, & keeping perspective with childish pilots, this week, but I still have to succeed at designing the tour. Its the day after tomorrow.

The only thing I have to fear is fear itself.

mood: procrastinate