My photos show a wonderful time. And that's all true. There has been a lot of laughing, goofing around, memories to document and remember. There have also been moments I would like very much to forget, moments like right now, where I am eating in the kitchen, alone, and they are eating in the bedroom.

First of all, what could I expect to happen? Two days in advance I emailed my friends in Nice "Can I visit you on Thursday?" A few hours later I recanted, "it's too soon, I realize that" and was pleased to see my friend Sonia was enthusiastic about the idea. She had I dream I would visit. It was exciting.

What could I expect to happen? Three people, stuffed into an apartment with one bedroom and no living room? I go crazy having someone in my space. Sonia does, too, its obvious, even if she won't admit it to me or herself.

I am writing it because it is a secret that this trip has had as many bad memories as good. I will play it down with them, be silent with everyone we know, and so I have to write it down so it doesn't come bursting out of me.